Amanda Sheils Gregg, MSHR - ER Partner, Culture and ...
Our goal is to establish a long-term relationship with you and to become a valued partner for addressing your technology project needs, whether a simple staff supplementation or management of an entire project. If this sounds like a team you want to be part of, read on because we are on the lookout for an experienced and dynamic Employment Relations & Investigations Partner. As our new Employment Relations & Investigations Partner, you will ensure employee relations (ER) and investigations are conducted fairly, without delay and in line with Aruma’s ... ER Partner, Culture and Development Boeing. Jan 2020 – Present 9 months. Dallas/Fort Worth Area. Senior HR Business Partner Aviall, A Boeing Company. Sep 2017 – Jan 2020 2 years 5 months. H-E-B Partner Services. We employ over 100,000 people we call Partners. We're all working together in the Spirit of H-E-B; committed to excellence and engaged in a cause that's more than a job. We believe people matter, and we have a mission to make their lives better. PartnerNet. Partner definition is - one associated with another especially in an action : associate, colleague. How to use partner in a sentence. Home » ER partner Emergency Reporting Announces Premier Partnership and Integration with Fire Recovery USA, Enabling Fire Departments to Streamline Billing Processes Bellingham, WA, May 28, 2020 – Emergency Reporting® (ER), the global leader in secure, cloud-based reporting and records management software (RMS) for Fire and EMS agencies ... Sign In Enter your email. Next. Don't have an account? Sign up
2008.11.11 09:42 Sweden
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2020.09.24 07:30 ThrowRA-after-useGF (32f) and I (33m) struggling to make it work
Alright reddit. looking for some serious advice, as I feel like I’m drowning and can’t keep my head above water. sorry for the long post, but this one has layers, like an onion. Forgive formatting or mistakes. I haven't slept in a few days now. I (33M) don’t know how to proceed with my gf (32f) of 1.5 yrs. A bit of background information about me. I do not have a very strong relationship with my parents, and my siblings and I are not particularly close. I had a very abusive childhood growing up, with a lot of physical and mental abuse. I moved out of my parents at 13 and have can count the visits since then on one hand. I am close with one of my aunt and uncles than I am to anyone else in my immediate family. I have been in one relationship prior for 8 years. She cheated on my 3 time in our first 6 months, broke up with me shortly after our 2 year to sleep with a co-worker, and I took her back three months later, where we spent another 5 yrs. together. it ended when she cheated on me, tried to spin it as my fault, and told me to get out of her life. I ended up with nothing (lost my house and jeep to her), was basically homeless for 3 months in the middle of winter. After a few years in a really dark place, I finished school and started my life over again, basically by moving across the country. And while I can confidently say I am over her; she still haunts my dreams sometimes. I had been single from 2012 until beginning of 2019. And by single, I mean no relationship of any kind, serious, casual, or one off. I was very alone and had tarted to really think I was never going to find anyone. Background for her: She has been in and out of relationships from mid to late teens, and has had multiple abusive relationships, where she has told me stories of being locked in bathrooms, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, mentally abused, you know, the good old classic crap. Her last real relationship was about 2/3 yrs. long from 2015-2017, and that ended when her partner at the time basically caused both to lose the house they bought together, and both declared bankruptcy. She was in a bad accident in late 2017, which left her with some physical impairments, but also with some cognitive issues. small things like memory issues, and cognitive troubles with complex concepts. She dated a few guys between beginning of 2018 and beginning of 2019, and again, had a few bad experiences (guys cheating on their gf, stalkers, physically abusive, etc.). She also says that she has ocd, and can be very particular about a variety of things, and sometimes gets et off by the smallest of things (for example, if I put a cup in the wrong cupboard, she becomes very upset) Ok, now the topic at hand. I moved to my current city in the later half of 2017 to pursue a job opportunity that was too good to turn down. I really liked my job, was for the first time in my life self sufficient and paying down debts, paying rent, buying groceries, and still had money put away/saved. But I was very lonely and experiencing some existential issues about being over that fabled age of 30. I had some friends and coworkers tell me that I should try online dating, and after some convincing, and threats by coworkers that either I make a profile or they would do it for me, (I guess I’m still a bit old school, as I had always tried to meet females irl, as opposed to online). I downloaded bumble and made a profile. nothing really happened beyond a few girls who struck up some conversations, and exactly 2 coffee dates that were excruciatingly painful to experience, and the most awkward movie date in the history of mankind. And that’s when I matched up with my GF, in the later half of 2018. We chatted back and forth, and it went from chatting on bumble to exchanging numbers, and texting back and forth. It was the first time in years I had connected with someone that was very much showing an interest in me. Now, we made plans to meet up on the weekend or coffee but didn’t set a time or place. And I was excited for this, as she also expressed, she was too. 2 days before we were supposed to meet up, I lost my phone and all my contacts, and as I don’t have social media, was unable to contact her. I was gutted. We didn’t meet up. I spent the next 6 months half heartedly using bumble, mostly focusing on my job, and I had started a part time program at university. I don’t know what I expected, and I just chalked this up to my seemingly never-ending bad luck. I thought about her every so often, and lamented the fact that we hadn’t met up, cuz I felt we had really connected. Fast forward to Feb 2018, and I had recently created a new bumble on my work phone. I’m swiping through profiles, and I see hers. So, I swipe right, and she swipes right. But as the trick with bumble is, I have to wait for her to initiate conversation. Which of course, she doesn’t. I was a bit sad, but hey, that’s what happened. I see her a second time, and of course, I swipe right. She lets the timer expire. I see her a third time, swipe right, but this time, I pay to extend the timer to a second day. And she initiates conversation with "I guess I should talk to you since we keep matching". I immediately tell her the circumstances of what happened to my phone, apologised profusely, and told her that I understand why she may not want to talk to me, but at least I got to tell her what happened as opposed to her thinking I’m just an asshole. She doesn’t really say anything for a bit, and then tells me she vaguely remembers me, and that she wasn’t sure how much she had told me about her accident, but she had been excited to meet me, but couldn’t remember why. I told her I remembered about her accident, and I was more than happy to start over, and then I reintroduced myself. We started chatting again. And this time, I made damn sure to set a time, and place. We met up Easter weekend, 2018, for what was supposed to be coffee and a half hour walk, which turned into us walking for two, and then standing by our vehicles talking for another hour and a bit. I liked this girl. I wasn’t put off by any of the physical ramifications of her accident (very predominant facial scarring), and despite the very slight but sometimes obvious cognitive impairments, I really liked this girl, and none of that mattered. I went to Easter dinner on cloud 9. I was planning on waiting until the next day to mssg her, but she texted me saying she had a lot of fun. I texted her back after dinner saying I had as well, and that I was looking forward to hanging out again. We texted a bit back and forth as per usual, but then she sent me a string of texts that took me a bit by surprise. The told me that she thought I was a great guy, but that she wanted to start a family, and she felt she couldn’t didn’t want to waste the next few years dating as she felt her age was creeping up on her, and that while she was sure I would be a great parent, she was going to go forward with a plan she had to get pregnant: sperm donor. I was a bit taken aback, and shocked, but I told her that while I was sad about the prospect of us not seeing where we could go, that I understood her pov, and while I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her if she was going to use a sperm donor, I did wish her all the best, as I liked her too much want to be "just friends". She seemed a bit taken aback by my response, especially with how positive I was in the "if that’s what you want, I hope you all the best" tone and language I used. I carried on with my life, expecting to never hear from her again. In May 2018, she sent me a text saying she had just ordered pizza, and was watching a movie, and that the pizza had reminded her of me as we had had several lively debates on the best pizza toppings, place to order, and type of pizza. I texted her back and asked what type of pizza and where she had ordered from, and we texted a bit back and forth, and she asked me if I wanted to come over, eat some of her pizza, and "hang out". I told her that I still respected her wish of a sperm donor, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to start something when she had her plan and I didn’t want just a one night. We chatted some more over the next day and a bit, and I ended up at her house that Friday to watch a movie and eat pizza. We ended neither eating pizza nor watching a movie, but sitting on her house steps talking, eventually going inside and continuing the conversation. It was getting late and I was getting ready to leave when we started fooling around and ended up in her room. I ended up spending two days at her place, and then we basically hung out 1-2 times during the week, and then most Friday to Saturday for the next 4 months. There were a few hiccups, and some serious conversations, focused on what was it we were looking for (we settled on that while we were not dating, we were casually monogamous), and an instance where she became upset and thought I was ghosting her when I had spent an entire day studying for school and then writing an exam with my phone off. That situation started with her telling me to come get the few things I had left at her place, and ending with me explaining to her what had happened, and that if she really wanted me to come get my shirt and two bottles of alcohol, I would. There were also some really great high, like where we spent 4 hours fixing my truck, and she made the comment "we did this without fighting, that means we are a good team", me wishing her a good weekend as she went off with friends to go camping (which she got weird about, because I didn’t have an issue with her doing things with her friends, as her exes always had issues) an extremely fun camping/hiking trip, and when she discovered a kitten stuck 10 feet high in a tree, and insisted that we had to go back and recue him. Incidentally, this kitten rescue was that moment watching her scale a tree, where I fell in love with her. She had such big heart and was kind a caring. I felt physical pain when she told me some of the horror stories, and for the first time in 7 years, there was a human I really really reeeeaaalllyyy wanted to spend all my time with this ridiculously goofy red head. August rolls around, and she asks if it was ok if she went to go visit some family about a day drive away. I told her yes, go for it, send me picture. And she seemed weird about it. I tried to do a bit of tactful digging, and I found out that the last time she had gone to visit, she took an ex, who had physically assaulted her when they had gone together to visit. She hinted at wanting me to come with her, but I told her that she should get some time to herself, visit family, and I wasn’t going anywhere and would be waiting at home for her. I got the feeling she didn’t know how to handle this response, but I assured her, to go have a good visit. Before she left, she spent the night with me, and there was some debate about whether she was in danger of getting pregnant from our night. She went on er trip, got her period, I wasn’t worried, and was very much looking forward to her return. She was gone for 11 days, and in that time, I had managed to score her some tickets to her favorite sports team for when she got home. She got home and I went to go pick her up, and she had been day drinking, which wasn’t a big deal as I knew she had been. It was quite comical, and she seemed to be very happy to see me. I was very happy to see her as well. We went back to my place, and I gave her the tickets, which shocked her, and we spent the night together. In the morning we were still in the mood, so we went at it again. It ended with me having to fish a broken condom from inside her and taking a trip to get a morning after pill. She took the pill in front of me, and things were fine. Things were good and we were falling back into our routine of seeing each other 1-2 times a week and spending weekends together. Then several things happened all at once in the middle of September. 1 - I had a family member fall deathly ill 2 - I had my manager at my job start to openly target me at work 3 - she was late. I found out very end of September, she was pregnant, which as she so eloquently put it one morning "I’m pregnant, sorry for ruining your life". At this time, I had also started working for a branch of the government that required weekend schooling for 3 months. things were busy but ok, and we had the typical should we keep it or not conversation, and what does this mean for us. Ultimately, she shut down any other conversation and would not discuss any other option outside of keeping it. I was not in the mind set to have a kid at this point in my life, and I tried to express this as appropriately and like an adult. It was through these conversations I found out that she had had an abortion previously and had had an ex of hers force a miscarriage, which she did not elaborate upon. At the end of all the conversations, she decided for both of us that we were keeping the baby, despite my concerns on my shaky job status, my part time gov training, my sick (and possibly dying) family member, her low paying job, and our unstable financial forecast (she was still dealing with her bankruptcy, and I was trying to pay down debt). Despite my objection to this, I told her I was there for her and the baby, and if this is what was happening, then I would be there. By middle of October, I was unceremoniously fired without reason, and my family member had taken a turn for the worse, and I had to fly back home on a this could be it type visit. Going back home saw me must drop out of my weekend training, as I would no longer be able to make the time commitment. I was back home for about 14 days at the beginning of Nov. While I was gone, I tried to keep in constant communication with my GF and let her know everything that was going on. I was under a lot of stress and pressure, and I am sure this showed. As per usual, the visit back home did not go well due to family dynamics, and that added to the mix. I was back home for 3 and a bit week, before I once again flew back home fully expecting to be attending a funeral. The three weeks I was back with my gf were super stressed. I was incredibly torn about losing my job, and in typical fashion for my life, was getting fucked on my EI claims b/c I had taken a severance package. The three weeks were tension filled, and my gf was super argumentative. I chalked this up to pregnancy hormones, tried to be as understanding as possible. I was back home until end of dec, where I flew home because my gf was upset that I would potentially miss Christmas. The entire time that I was visiting family, she was insistent that I was cheating on her, and had convinced herself that I was. I kept reassuring her I would not do that and that I wasn’t. She barely believed me. The day that I got back my gf picked me up at the airport, but she was super reluctant to pick me up, and was super upset that I was "making" her come pick me up. My alternatives were to cab (super expensive for someone with no job) or take public transportation (which would mean 2+ hours to get home), and she wanted me to spend the night with her either way. We got home, and she had been super cold and distant, and super withdrawn on the ride. I again chalked this up to pregnancy hormones and being grumpy. We spent the night together. The next day I woke up feeling under the weather, and within the next few days, I became extremely sick. I figured that my daily hospital visits of 10+ hours a provided the perfect storm for me to pick up something. I was sick until about the 28th of December, bedridden, with a chest cold that was the worse I had ever experience. I spent the entire time at my gfs place, missing her family Christmas day/dinner. My gf picked up whatever I was sick with and ended up also getting sick. And we were sick right up until new years. New years eve, she was very argumentative, and I suggested maybe we needed to get a night away from each other, and that I would come back on new years day. She became upset, and proceeded to have an emotional blowout, that included her accusing me of cheating on her when I went back home, being a pathological liar, being secretive because I have a passcode on my cell, as well as accusing me of purposefully getting her sick by staying over so much. I tried to talk to her rationally, but every time I would try to talk to her about what she was saying, she would say I was just trying to confuse her, and that I was lying, and that she was unhappy with me. Through out the conversation, it became clear that she was resentful of my rationale for not having a child, and she said that she did not want me around or that she was not happy. I tried to talk to her, to find out what I could do to help, but she was upset, hostile, and swinging to an extreme level of anger and frustration. I told her I would come back in a day or so and she would not have any of it. I ended up staying but slept alone on the couch. I was very upset about this, because that was not how I wanted to spend my new years, and her extreme swing into scorched earth anger was of grave concern to me. The next few days were extremely tense. I was wondering what was going on, as my gf had basically gone to the extreme of, I want you out of my life. She had said a lot of things in anger, and did not want to discuss it, as "you’re just trying to make me the bad guy and use your big words to confuse me". I tried my best to be understanding, level-headed, and particularly avoided being argumentative, but I would also calmly explain my pov, feelings, or try to explain and reason with her. Things for me were looking grim, as by this point, I had finally gotten EI, at about 35% of my (modest) salary from my previous employer and had been applying to 2-3 jobs min a day trying to land anything. I had started walking my GFs dog daily to try and help and was trying to help in other areas as I was able to. However, I was constantly accused of "sleeping all day, not trying to get a job, wanting a salary that was too high, eating all the food in the house". Fairly frequently I was cooking dinner and trying to make my rapidly getting more pregnant gf as comfortable as she could get. She was also hit with very bad fatigue but would refuse to nap or rest because that "is just a waste of the day". From Jan to April, the accusations became more wild, and would range on any day from I was cheating on her in her bed, to I was lying about working out, or my job applications. Blow outs over miniscule things became almost daily, and she would constantly be emotionally unstable. When I would try to ask her what was wrong, she would get further upset and tell me that she shouldn’t have to tell me. Anything and everything would set her off, from me doing the laundry at the wrong time, putting dishes in the cupboard wrong, to having my shoes crooked on the mat. There were certain things she kept bringing up, even after I had apologised for them. An example of this was I jokingly said that I would have to return the baby if it was not the gender I wanted. I was clearly joking, and told her I was, and apologised for it. But was constantly having this brought up in her blow outs. There were several things that would constantly be brought up, and if I would try to explain or reason with her, her default became "that’s your opinion, you’re just trying to make me into the bad guy". With the high level of tension, what was a sex 2-3 times a week dynamic turned into long stretches of no sex, as well as no physical contact since my return from visiting my family end of December. In total 9 months of pregnancy, we had sex 6 times, with going as long as 60+ days between sex. I made a point of not pushing or pressuring her into any sort of physicality. The few times we did have sex, it was always on her initiation (s the case was if I initiated she would get angry), and it was typically her walking up and indicating she wanted sex, and would become upset if it lasted longer than 5 minutes a she didn’t "want to have sex for a long time". On her behest, and b/c despite her mood swings I was still spending most of the time at her place, I moved out of my apartment and into her place in March of 2020. We split the rent and bills 50-50. Mot of my stuff is boxed away and being stored in the basement, but despite splitting bills, having my stuff in common areas caused her to have blowouts as I was being "messy and making clutter on purpose". To stop arguments, everything, including my musical instruments which I would try to play daily, have all been packed away and are in the basement. After I moved in, things were a bit calmer, but not by much. At this point, covid was also starting to really affect a lot of things. My gf made the comment one night that we should go get couples therapy, and I said I agreed. But b/c of covid, we would have to wait. Most of April was pretty much like the rest of her pregnancy. Constant anger over little things (like if she dropped a spoon, she would have a full on freak out over it, she was constantly road raging for peoples driving, most often times not warranted, etc.), with a lot of the discussions we had swinging to extremes on her part. Typically, something as innocuous as me misplacing kitchen items would escalate to her screaming how unhappy she was and how she was over this relation ship. The few days that her anger was kept in check were extremely enjoyable, and we did manage to decorate the baby’s room, and build crib and furniture. Our baby was born in May. And it has been a rough 4 months. She has had several intense blowouts, including one 2 weeks after birth where she was screaming at me to take the baby and get out of her life. Since then there has been 3 or 4 blowouts, typically with her losing her shit over something super small and going from being upset about miniscule issues to her throwing the entire relationship into the I’m done, and I don’t want this anymore. However, every time it gets to this, I calmly ask her, so what do you want to do? And she says she doesn’t know. Accuses me of making her into the bad guy, and never seems to have a solution. We are still on a waiting list for couples counselling, but covid is causing delays, and she refuses to do zoom or phone calls with the therapist. There have been some other things that I feel are contributing to the mix. 1 - she has anger issues, and is projecting passed trauma through anger 2 - someone has been harassing her since feb, via text, email and fb. The messages are typically sexually abusive, and/or are always saying I’m cheating on her. we have some theories on who it could be behind this, but nothing we can prove, and as the police have stated, there’s little that can be done. However, she now has accused me of cheating because I made the bed and it had wrinkles on it, there were some condoms in a drawer (which were so old they predated our relationship by 5 years), I have "secret" conversation on my phone, etc. She has even gone so far as to tell me she doesn’t even care anymore if I am cheating, which hurt me immensely, as I am not and haven’t never cheated on her. 3 - she is holding a grudge as she has voiced her opinion that her pregnancy was made "a living hell" by me and that I was purposefully trying to be more of a burden. When I pint out the domestic chores, or the fact I regularly tried to help with her dog, she says I’m "throwing that in her face" and that it doesn’t matter. I have apologised for any burden I may have inadvertently caused, and she says she’s too angry to accept that. When I ask for specific examples of what I did so that I can try to change my behaviors, she says she "can’t think of any examples off the top of my head". 4 - I did try to register for bumble biz during my initial job search, but registration was a bitch and I never completed the process. She saw the notification on my cell and immediately assumed I was cheating, and when I calmly explained what it was, she insinuated that I would make up something like that on purpose. 5 - We haven’t had sex since middle of July, we haven’t cuddled since end of dec 2019 (any time I tried to cuddle her during her pregnancy she would refuse saying I wasn’t allowed to cuddle her), we haven’t kissed since end of dec 2019, she hasn’t given or allowed me to give head since August 2019. During her 9-month pregnancy we had sex a total 6 times. and 3 times since baby was born. 6 - she very harshly talks down to herself and cannot take a compliment. If I tell her she looks pretty she makes a disparaging remark about herself. Something as simple as me saying she has a nice but is met with a slew of self hate about her body. 7 - I picked up a 4-month contract job end of July, and the uncertainty of employment is stressful. 8 - I have been working 9-hour days, and then I have been taking the baby for 2-5 hours dependent on the night. She has an expectancy that I take the baby to "give her a break". My daily routine has been waking up, walking the dog, working, using my lunch break to give her a break from baby, finishing work, and then watching the baby after. This is burning me out. I am also doing gov training once a week and trying to wrap up one of two remaining courses in my school (which would lead to better employability, and better salary). I am always happy to watch my kid, but I feel that the expectancy for me to do so is not taking into consideration everything else that’s going on. She is on mat leave till next may. So, all that is basically the history leading up to last night. I got home from a late shift, and I have been feeling super down about a bunch of things. The night before she had insinuated, I was cheating on her because she found a strip of a condom wrapper in our laundry hamper. I tried to calmly explain that the last time we had had sex I had thrown the wrapper on the floor and probably scooped it up with the laundry the next day and it was most likely sitting there for 2 months. She called me a liar, and I even showed her the pack of condoms that had only the one used by us. On top of it all, that specific condom brand is too small for me to use comfortable, so we have avoided using them. She did her typical brush off, and I went to bed angry and sad. So last night just as I was wrapping up my shift, I get a text message asking, "are you even coming home tonight". I respond that I was, and I got home. I asked her if she had a few minutes to talk, as I needed to talk to her about how I felt. She grudgingly turned off the tv and told me to talk as she started to scroll Facebook. I asked her to put her cell down, which she finally did. I then calmly told her how I was burning out, and I felt like I was being held at an arms length, and that I needed to know what was going on with us, and with things. She has recently started talking about buy a house, and with her recent bankruptcy she is not in any real position to buy by herself. Also, her earning potential is capped in her current job but she has no desire or intention to leave. My earning potential hovers around double what she makes. I mentioned that I was having doubts about looking at houses, and that I needed to make time for my school and training, which meant that the next 2 months I wouldn’t be able to take the baby every day after work for multiple hours. Well she got indignant, and she got mad at me, saying I don’t try to do anything to help, and that I made her last year a living hell, and that I’m getting my needs met elsewhere so why do I care at all about our relationship. I tried to calmly talk to her and stressed that this is how I’ve been feeling. As with the last few conversations, she swung to "I’m so sick of this relationship" and told me that she didn’t feel attracted to me. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she didn’t know. She then told me that I can go ahead and find someone else to fuck, and that she thought our sex sucked anyways because I didn’t typically cum fast enough for her. I explained I had no desire to have sex with someone else, and she basically said that she doesn’t want to sleep with me again. I then asked her what we were, where we in a relationship still, did she see us as single. And she told me she doesn’t know; she feels that she no longer has a spark with me. And then she mentioned that we needed to talk to a therapist to figure out what to do. this all left me very sad, and I slept less than 45 minutes over the course of the night. This morning she insisted she drive me to work and pick me up as well. She was amicable throughout the day, and this evening she has been in a good mood. This typically happens after she loses her shit. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel the loneliest I have ever felt. I am at the point were I don’t want to go to her family Sunday night dinners, partly cuz her brother is newly engaged and I feel very jealous when he and his gf are being a typical engaged couple, and I don’t want to become more connected with her family, as that’s another painful loss during a break up. I am unsure what I should be doing. Should I try to get to counselling, in the hopes that it helps? Or am I spinning my tires here, and I can’t see the forest for the trees? I love her, very much, and I love my kid. I don’t want to be in a situation where its split custody and I get every second weekend. I am also deeply saddened by the thought that she could replace me with another man. I honestly have never thought I would ever have a family, and now that I do, I don’t even know if I will have it come Christmas time. I am sure there’s so much smaller nuances I missed but that’s where I am at. What is the best way for me to help her? Is this relationship salvageable? How can I fix it? I want my child to grow up with a traditional family. TL; DR Started dating a girl. She got pregnant. Her demons don’t play nice. Haven’t been truly intimate coming up on a year. Is counselling even a helpful hold out. Drowning.
Disclaimer 1: This is not an attempt at scholarly analysis of the music or a comprehensive exploration of biographical information. Disclaimer 2: I don't recommend listening to Waits' discography all at once.
Personal interaction with the artist
Tom Waits is one of the few artists whose entire discography appeals to me, and his music is, in my mind, anchored not only to the time of day but also the activity I'm engaged in: that time of day being evening/night, and that activity being reclining with a drink in hand. I know that might sound a little bit cliche, but the early albums at least definitely favor that treatment. As I move through Waits' discography, though, being upright and sober is also an acceptable way to listen. Waits was an instant like for me and my family. My wife and teenage daughters adore his music, too, especially the dark cabaret stuff.
Overview of the artist
I'm not here to rehash encyclopedia entries and biographies about the man. The links are below for anyone who wants to dive in. tl;dr, though, Waits' 70s stuff is of the piano blues singesongwriter variety. It all goes down easy. Pretty simple and easy to define, mainly because this was before he met his wife, Kathleen Brennan, whom he married in 1980. His "blood and guilt" Irish Catholic wife had a massive influence on his styles going forward, and in my opinion, it was a positive influence, one that helped Waits spread his creative wings. Of course that influence wouldn't have gone anywhere if Waits wasn't already leaning in that direction. He just needed someone to give him the confidence to take the leap. In the 80s, he went experimental, especially with the rocking Swordfishtrombones. Rain Dogs continued his experimental rock exploration, and he closed the decade with Franks Wild Years, in which he embraced the dark cabaret he'd only dabbled in on the previous two albums. He tried to set aside what he called "the embarrassing baby photos" phase of his career. Then came the 90s (and early 2000s). Keep in mind that Waits is singesongwriter throughout his career. He is just adding other genres to that folk-esque backbone style of his. Experimental rock continues to dominate his discography at this time, too, but let's throw in some blues rock, vocal jazz, and some more of that dark cabaret Waits just does so damn well. I mean, Alice and Blood Money are basically theater pieces anyway! Speaking of theater, Waits was involved in many cinematic and stage projects, his most famous being The Black Rider, but he not only wrote and performed theater pieces and film soundtracks, he was also a prolific side actor in many films. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but he said it himself: "I'm not an actor. I'm just a guy who does some acting." This is merely the briefest of overviews into the life of a somewhat private and aloof artist who was just as interested in spending time with his wife and three children as making music for public appreciation. If anything has caught your attention so far, and if you're not turned off by Waits' "hobo act", his "pastiche of poverty", Barney Hoskyns' Lowside of the Road: A Life of Tom Waits and Patrick Humphries' The Many Lives of Tom Waits might be a couple biographies you'll want to check out. You might like him if...
you want something to soothe your soul while the whiskey burns your throat
you want the immediacy of singesongwriter
you want the confessional of the universal
you're an outcast
You might not like him if...
you don't like middle-class dudes playing a "hobo" act
you want something to easily sing along to
you want something innocuous in the background
you want something to pump you up
Similar artists and influences
When it comes to similar artists, perhaps it's better to look at the acts that had the biggest influence on Waits. First of all, when Waits was working at a restaurant, he would jot down notes of the diners' conversations, any snippet he found interesting, anything he could use for the everyman down on his luck feeling of his music. Men and women failing at life and yet still able to provide moments of piercing insight. Waits said in an interview that his uncle's gravelly voice intially inspired him. He also rejected the hippie movement and adhered to the Beat movement of the 50s, finding solace in Kerouac's musings. In fact, he later collaborated with William S. Burroughs on a theater piece. Randy Newman and Dr. John were big musical influences on him, and after Brennan introduced Waits to Captain Beefheart, Van Vliet's style was huge. Of course, Bob Dylan's influence loomed large for Waits, as it did for many singesongwriters in the 70s, and Waits once said that if you want to know how to write a song, listen to Merle Haggard. Last.fm attempts to provide a list of similar artists, but this is really just a matter of opinion. I strongly disagree with some of these picks, but here are the top ones: Nick Cave, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Captain Beefheart, Townes Van Zandt, Lou Reed, Tim Buckley, and Van Morrison. As far as I'm concerned, this is more a list of "if you like Waits, you'll like these" than "these artists are similar to Waits". I guess for me the one in that list the most similar is Lou Reed, not only because of his style but the sometimes sordid always ramshackle content of his music. In a 2005 interview, Waits was asked to list his top twenty albums of all time. These were his choices, and perhaps there are some clear marks of influence herein:
Frank Sinatra - In the Wee Hours
Thelonious Monk - Solo Monk
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band - Trout Mask Replica
The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main St.
Gavin Bryars - The Sinking of the Titanic
Bob Dylan & The Band - The Basement Tapes
The Lounge Lizards - Lounge Lizards
The Pogues - Rum Sodomy & the Lash
Leonard Cohen - I'm Your Man
Little Richard - The Explosive Little Richard
James Brown - Star Time
Various Artists - Texas-Czech Bands, 1929-1959
Frank Zappa - The Yellow Shark
Various Artists - Aria: A Passion for Opera
Bill Hicks - Rant in E-Minor
Various Artists - Prison Songs (Historical Recordings From Parchman Farm 1947-48), Vol 1: Murderous Home
Marc Ribot - The Prosthetic Cubans
Houndog - Houndog
The Les Claypool Frog Brigade - Purple Onion
Elvis Costello & The Imposters - The Delivery Man _______________________________________________
This album list does not include bootlegs or other recordings not approved by the ever-litigious Tom Waits. The Asylum Years (label formed in 1971 in LA, founded by David Geffen and part of the Warner Music Group).
Closing Time (1973). How many times have I heard this album by this point? It's like seeing the face of an old friend, getting a bit misty-eyed, and enjoying a warm hug from him. This whole album is an embrace. And he's got stories for you... all the things that happened since last you met. Waits has got an eclectic style to his storytelling, too, one you never get tired of hearing. He's just as comfortable going acoustic guitar as he is at sitting behind the piano and plinking out the blues. But Waits is at his best once he's got a few drinks in him and his music turns slowly like an inebriated carousel. Album art zip file link.
The Heart of Saturday Night (1974). Man, Saturday night’s a bitch. Sometimes it’s me putting on a tie, you putting on a dress, and we go out and laugh at the bloodshot moon in the burgundy sky. Other times it’s us fighting like cats and dogs, but that’s all right, I guess, since it’s raining cats and dogs, anyway. While you’re out catching your death walking, I’m so lonesome I might as well be a sailor in the middle of nowhere. Both of us stumbling into the heart of all that revelry and heartbreak. Shiver me timbers, but Saturday night can be a real bitch! Album art zip file link.
Nighthawks at the Diner (1975). This is a weird one. Is it technically a live album or technically a studio album? It's both. Kinda. They wanted to do a live album because that's where Waits thrived. Got him in that rare jazz mood where he can rattle off the coolest one-liners you'll ever hear. But the venues around town were "toilets" in the 70s, so they decided to just invite some people into the studio for two nights to do a live show--but they recorded it using studio equipment in a studio environment. So some people criticize this recording for being fake. Bohemian coffeehouse cool oozes from this album, Waits standing there with a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other, as he swaggers and stumbles around the microphone, doing what he does best: lowering the temperature of the room with the coolest anecdotes around. Some real laugh-out-loud moments sprinkled here. Album art zip file link.
Small Change (1976). They say that’s Cassandra Peterson (Elvira, Mistress of the Dark), and that those are her real tits. Okay. Cassandra says it’s not her. Whom to believe? Now that that’s out of the way, how about that sour whiskey music? This album gets better with every listen. And how to listen? Just lie back on the sofa, close your eyes, and listen, which isn’t something we often do with music. But that's the treatment this one needs, especially on a cool, rainy afternoon. Small Change seems to me to be a track by track play of a piano player working at a blues bar who likes to partake of the firewater along with the customers, so by the end of Side A, he’s had one too many, and he has to blame it on the piano. Apparently this is a common occurrence, though, because he alludes to his bad liver later on. But everything will be all right, because his shift is just about to come to an end, and he’s looking forward to getting off work and going home to see his girl. The on-album persona aside, Waits did have a real-life drinking problem. Early on he joked that his only drinking problem was when he couldn't get a drink, but later in life he finally enrolled in Alcholics Anonymous. It's all fun and games until the booze threatens to destroy your life. NSFW outtake cover art.
Foreign Affairs (1977). First, there's the album cover. Something critics of Waits might point to and say, "See see! This is what I'm talking about. The pretension." Waits definitely was going for a cover that would represent the film noir mood of his music up to this point. But it's all an act, right? I mean, he's just some guy who grew up in a normal family in a suburban California neighborhood. Right? My rebuttal is: And? Is there no place for theater, for adopting a persona, in music? Waits deliberately lived in neighborhoods that reflected not only the poverty but the bohemian cool that pervades his music. And he's not just a singer; he's an actor, too, so he's got that theatrical sense about him. That's why his live shows use props. Bette Midler guests on this album... perhaps Waits' first misstep. Like his other albums, this one swims in drink. Funny thing about the cover, though: the woman thought she was Waits' girlfiend, but she wasn't. She was just one of the Troubador slags. Album art zip file link.
Blue Valentine (1978). It's Thursday night and close enough to the weekend for a drink. Besides, a little fire in your belly might shake off this damp chill. All her usual bull and excuses and best intentions are scribbled on a rain-soaked postcard in your mailbox. You take it and climb the stairs on dreams, and after your drink, you think you might fall asleep if only the sirens would start. Cover art.
Heartattack and Vine (1980). When you're so far gone in the liquor you think even the rain is a beverage. Anyway, it doesn't take much imagination to understand the implications of the album title, an obvious reference to Hollywood and Vine in Los Angeles, the very heart of the rise of cinema and all its attendant lures into the corruption of innocence. This album is certainly more blues guitar-driven than Waits' six previous recordings, bringing with it even sexier grit (that seems to be obsessed with prostitutes). Like pretty much all his other music, these songs are snapshots into the lives of seedy people who live in the quiet, dark, lonely hours between the closing of the bar and the opening of the circus. This is the final Asylum record, and Waits was contractually-obligated to write it since he owed the label seven albums. You might know Springsteen's cover of Waits' "Jersey Girl"... and I can't help but wonder if the "sha la la la la la las" are indicative of Waits' fatigue with his label. Album art zip file link.
Film Scores (I'm just going to knock them both out here, out of chronological order, since they're not initially connected to any of the label eras.)
One From the Heart (1982). Coppola lured Waits back to LA, taking him away from his newfound love for the NYC creative atmosphere, to write a soundtrack in the vein of Waits' earlier stuff, a sound the singer was trying to break away from. I like to think it was fate that brought him back to the West Coast, because if he'd not torn himself away from NYC, he never would've met his future wife (who worked in the film studio), and the latter part of his discography probably wouldn't have been as wonderful as it is. The beauty of that alone is, in my mind, worth the making of this overwrought, schmaltzy album. I'm sure Crystal Gayle is a fine singer, but her energy just doesn't work when mixed with Waits. There's just something about duets like this that drives me crazy. Like, the back and forth is just so cheesy? Don't think of this as a Waits album; it's a collaboration and as much a Gayle album, which, in my book, is a hard pass. This album is sanitized Tom Waits. Album art zip file link.
Night on Earth (1991). I feel that if people didn't realize this was a Waits album, they'd rate it higher. People bring baggage into a Waits listening experience, and if the expectations aren't met, well, there's bound to be some disappointment. First of all, Waits' voice is conspicuously absent througuhout most of this soundtrack, as the artist decided--unlike with One From the Heart--to focus on instrumentals. Thus this recording lacks the full Waits experience fans grew to love, providing more of an overall noir-jazz soundtrack feel than having anything specifically to do with the voice of the broken-down, boozing loner our itching ears want to hear. Album art zip file link.
The Island Years (label formed in 1959 in Jamaica [moved to London three years later], became part of the PolyGram group)
Swordfishtrombones (1983). Take an unshaven shuffle through the neon rain, with nothing but a pack of dirty playing cards and a lonely heart. Follow the slow parade drumming down some empty town street, remembering all the dirty details of the neighborhood. Dip into the desert a couple times while you’re at it and take in the snapshots of tragic lives, and if you’re thirsty, drink water from a swordfishtrombone. What the hell is it anyway, and is the water any good? Count the number of parties playing in the heads of people you pass every damn day. In Waits' real life, this is his big artistic break from the past, both creatively and professionally. He'd completed his Asylum contract, and this was as good a time as any to move away not only from his producer but his (swindling) manager. Waits and his wife took over managerial responsibilities themselves, and they seem to have done a better job with that side of the business as well. Brennan--his wife--also brings her influences to bear, including giants like Captain Beefheart. Asylum rejected this record, as it was a departure from his previous sound, so Waits took up Island's offer to release it. Album art zip file link.
Rain Dogs (1985). Take every undesirable yet attractive thing you read in a dime-store pulp novel and throw it into a pot stirred by an unshaven vagabond, and you get this bourbon-soaked album. Mad hatters and beat poets doing the polka on this postcard mailed from desolation row. Album art zip file link.
Franks Wild Years (1987). You’re a lonely, heartbroken truck driver going down a dark highway to drop off a load at an amusement park, but the park is abandoned with all the lights on and the rides operating. So you go wild, dragging your heels across the cracked pavement, looking up at the stars and growing ever more dizzy watching them wheel through their orbits. And the narrative of this album plays like a movie in his mind. Album art zip file link.
Big Time (1988). The recordings here were taken from two shows Waits did on separate days in November of 1987. Unlike Nighthawks, however, this is a true live album, part of the overall Franks Wild Years tour, not something contrived for a studio audience. Though Waits never goes full Bowie when it comes to on-stage roleplaying, the singer did adopt for a short time a kind of alter ego in Frank, referencing how he torched his house (in that short, spoken word track) before taking off for the big time. In keeping with the theatricality of the Frank concept, several dramatic audio effects were added in post-production, not only audience applause but also snapping fingers, boot stomping, train whistles, gunshots, and whatnot. Disregarding the post-production shenanigans, though, I find it interesting how some of these songs are re-imagined in a live setting. Waits was fascinated by the idea of the street preacher, and some of that comes out here. Can I get an "amen"?! Album art zip file link.
Bone Machine (1992). This album opens sounding like a bone machine, as if the percussion is being pounded out on the bones of people, the earth screaming like a mother forced to swallow her own increase, her children unable to escape the devouring dirt because we're all chained to her--all because one brother slew another, and the dust cried out for vengeance. Yet this is our home. For all its ugliness, it's beautiful. For all its grit and grime, it's smooth and clean. If you think of Earth as a hotel, you're gonna wanna complain to the manager. But if you think of Earth as a prison, it's pretty damn nice. This album won the Grammy for Best Alternative Album, and when Waits found out, he said to his friend, the filmmaker Jim Jarmusch, "Alternative to what?" Good question, Tom. Waits' wife co-wrote half the songs on this album, demonstrating Brennan's growing influence in the creative evolution of her husband. Album art zip file link.
Bone Machine: The Operator's Manual (1992). This is a long CMJ radio network interview with Tom Waits, featuring tracks from the album of the same name. Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. This isn't an album, just an interview in which Waits explains what the album is about and the process of its creation and production. He says the albums started with the title, so in that sense, this is a concept. He wanted songs that would fit the title "Bone Machine", so songs that evoke a sense of horror, songs about the inevitability of death, since it is a fact that we all die screaming. And not only us, but everything. The earth first, and eventually the universe. There's no escape. One thing I love about this interview is how he describes songs like they're entities: he describes the creative process in such beautiful metaphorical terms, like when he talks about how a song is "sick", meaning a song isn't working in a certain context or a song is unfinished... it's "sick", and Waits, as a kind of doctor, has to diagnose the song's sickness and help it get better. He also talks about the listener's relationship to songs, saying that an individual song is like a bar of soap. You can hold it in your hand, and sometimes your relationship with the song lasts only as long as a bar of soap, and once it's gone, you move on to the next song. He discusses how his performance aesthetic is changing, too, going from a guy who sat at a piano to a more physical, animal show and how it's connected to the spirit of music that, in some ways, can work as a poltergeist. Perhaps this is connected to Waits getting older and getting angrier, which is why he thinks his percussion has improved. Because he gets to hit shit with more gusto. Waits mentions religion so many times in this interview, which I find interesting, as he's getting it from both his wife and his mother, and that influence finds its way onto the album in frightening clarity. Album art zip file link.
The Black Rider (1993). In some ways, this is like a lot of Waits' other work, but in other ways, it's completely different. It's got all his grit, of course, but as far as I know Waits doesn't have another operatic concept album like this. (He has the "Franks Wild Years" show, but it was never made into a concept album.) Also, this is the only time he strikes me as creepy (not throughout, just in spots). This album isn't as highly regarded as his giant albums, but I think it's worth anyone's time to give it a close listen. It'll make you wince until it goes down smooth and you're craving more. Basically, this is the creative result of a theatrical collaboration Waits had with a stage director and the famous Beat generation writer William S. Burroughs. This opera is a retelling of the German "Freischütz" myth, about a gunslinger who makes a deal with the Devil for a number of magic bullets that unerringly hit their targets. All but one. In a classic Faustian twist, there's one bullet that's under control of the Devil. In this story, a mild-mannered clerk makes the deal to win the hand of a huntsman's daughter. He must prove his worth as a hunter, and with the magic bullets he does, but on his wedding day, the final bullet under Satan's control kills the clerk's young bride. And in a Greek tragedy parallel, the clerk, like Orpheus in his inconsolable grief, disappears from society. Orpheus is driven to wandering and drink, and in the end he is torn apart by Dionysus' maenads. The clerk joins Satan's carnival, losing his heart, soul, and mind to the infernal pleasures of the circus. This work first appeared as a play in 1990 in Hamburg before being arranged into a concept album. Album art zip file link.
The Anti- Years (founded in 1999 in LA, a sub-label of the punk Epitaph, whose ethic is to treat artists like business partners, not slaves, a stance that clearly appealed to Waits)
Mule Variations (1999). Whenever I start a Waits album and try to write some of my thoughts down, I find it difficult to say much because I feel like I lack perspective. When you five-star pretty much an entire discography, you realize you're just a fanboy and therefore aren't sure you have anything useful to say. Here Waits is gritty once again, but it's like he's a hobo singing in some dirty alleyway, singing through a metal can, using whatever he's got within reach for percussion. (A connection to the bone machine?) This music sticks to me like hot summer, sticking to me like unshakable memory. Like most Waits albums, this one, too, is a cathartic experience, but unlike other Waits' recordings thus far, this one is "surrural", meaning the themes are about rural American life, but since they're stories told by Waits, they going to be a bit surreal, aren't they? Waits won a Folk Grammy for this one, having drawn heavily on blues field recordings as the main influence. Yeah, shows that the Grammys don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Album art zip file link.
Alice (2002). Is there a greater opening track on any album ever, a truer poetic strike to the eyes that'll make you weep through the rest of the 48-minute journey? This entire album is wrapped in madness and death--is the narrator actually singing from beyond the grave (from beyond the rabbit hole)? Nothing creepier than a violin accompanying your soul on its descent into Hell, driven by suicide. Don't worry, though. They've got a jazz bar down there where you, being disembodied, will fit right in. Listen to the champagne laughs, gaze upon the strangled ebony curls, and know what it was once to be alive. This record's got history that goes beyond the mere studio production. Most of these songs were written for Waits' play, Alice, that he wrote with the same theater director who collaborated with him on The Black Rider. The stage Alice debuted in 1992, ten years before this album. So in a sense this album is more rooted in Waits' Island years, the little sister to Bone Machine and The Black Rider. Cover art.
Blood Money (2002). This album has one of my favorite Waits’ songs: “God’s Away on Business”. And if you’ve not seen the Cookie Monster fan video for this, do yourself a favor. I would kill to see one of these dark cabarets live, this one, incidentally, being songs from the Waits/Brennan theater piece, Woyzeck. I’d wear a cravat and a top hat to the affair. I’d put on eyeliner. One last thing: can anyone sing a lullaby like Tom Waits? He can tuck me in anytime he wants and tell me stories about how miserable everything and everyone is. Album art zip file link.
Real Gone (2004). Do you hear a keyboard (piano) anywhere on this album? Maybe I missed it somewhere, but I'm not hearing one. (Okay, I hear some now, but it's barely used.) This is all guitars, and percussion. Sounds like he's flirting with some of those popular indie rock sounds that swirled around the beginning of the century, yet this is typical Waits experimentation, so he makes whatever he's doing his own, transforming it through his dark meditations on sin. Brennan's influences are so strong here that she's basically become a co-songwriter at this point. Here, at the end of his career, the 70s Waits is finally, at last, dead. Some sinister, black ghost has risen in his place, grinning shamelessly. Though this is Waits' only studio album I don't gush over, I understand a little better what he was talking about in one of his interviews: about how he feels angrier as he ages, and how percussion sounds better because of it. If you follow the mule from Mule Variations, it'll lead you into the barn of Real Gone. And if you follow the mule, don't complain when you get dirty. Album art zip file link.
Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards (2006). Imagine Waits being your dad and having him tell you a bedtime story where you're all alone on the planet, the moon is a piece of rotten wood, and the Earth is an overturned piss pot. Imagine Waits being your zoology professor, revealing the brutality and grittiness of slavery and copulation at all levels of the animal kingdom, including you and your neighbors. Imagine Waits doing an album of nothing but Child ballads...oh man, I'm gonna send him a letter! (Seriously, whom do I write for Waits to see this idea?) This is not some kind of greatest hits compilation. Quite the opposite: it's got rarities and unreleased tracks, those orphaned songs that "fell behind the stove while making dinner". You ever clean out the gunk that falls behind the stove? It's greasy, grimy, and probably full of flavor if you could just be brave enough to try it. Them. Not "it". Though these were released together as a three-disc set, they were consciously separated along lines of influence and style. Brawlers explores the blues and consequently rock, Bawlers sees Waits diving into heart-wrenching ballads, and Bastards focuses more on his megaphone-toting, carnivalesque experimentation. Waits excels at all three, of course, but you can pick what to listen to based on your mood or interest. Album art zip file link.
Glitter and Doom Live (2009). Ol' Tom was an indefatigable pursuer of miscreants in the music, film, TV, and commercial industries, and after having successfully sued, like, four major corporations/outlets for using his songs without permission, Waits developed quite the reputation as someone not to be fucked with. He would hunt your ass down if you tried any funny business. Same went for this tour. He had his people require ticket holders to produce valid ID at the entrance to the show, and if the name didn't match the ticket, the concert-goers were denied entry. This was a massive "fuck you" to scalpers. Surely with Tom's litigious history and his tireless pursuit of integrity, the touts should've known better. I'm glad Waits did one last tour at the end of his career so we can hear him revisit his classics across all his albums. Not only the songs but the spoken-word anecdotal parts are snippets taken from ten different shows during the tour. So when you get to disc 2, don't think that Tom just stood there telling stories for 35 minutes straight. Album art zip file link.
Bad as Me (2011). All aboard Waits’ latest (last) studio album! The man is a national treasure, that’s all there is to it. He succeeds at pretty much everything he tries, even here in his 60s, still kicking ass like he did at the beginning of his career, because he based his style on a timeless cool. As always, he’s sometimes smooth as hell, other times wacky and not giving a single fuck. I wonder if this album will end up being the last leaf on his tree. I feel like there's a little bit of everything from Waits' career on this album, from the gypsy rusty-accordion sounds to the growling mud-wrestling vocals to the lonely heartbroken crooning to the feeling of spinning around in circles while staring up into the night sky of a pitiless universe where you then fall down drunk not on wine but on the inevitability of death. Album art zip file link.
2020.09.24 03:07 williamthaconquerer[26M] Been chronically ill for 8 months. Doctors haven't given me any answers. Please help. (I have lab results)
Age: 26 Sex: male Race: white Height: 5'10 Weight: 248 Conditions: hypertension Medications: carvedilol, melatonin for sleep First of all, I want to say that im not usually a guy who goes to doctors alot or complains about health issues all the time. But i went from a reasonably healthy 26 year old man just 4 months ago to feeling like utter crap every single day and experiencing scary symptoms nearly every day that terrify the hell out of me and I dont feel satisfied with my doctor's answer and im not feeling any better. Because of covid, its hard to find a doctor to get a second opinion from, which is why im posting here. If I could get just some guidance in the right direction, it would mean the world to me. Im not sure if some of my issues are different problems or symptoms of one problem but I will describe them regardless. First i wanted to start off by going back to April 2017 age 23. I had just gotten over an infection and had been taking doxycycline. I looked over at my upper arms while in the shower and I noticed a bunch of small pinpoint red dots on them that looked almost like small Hmm I wondered, probably just my body having a minor reaction to have taken doxycycline. I wasn't having any other symotoms so I let it pass. I wasn't having any other symptoms but the dots never went away, in fact they're still here today. Flash forward to January 2020, i had just gotten over a viral respiratory infection, probably not covid and i started to get pains in my chest, it was pinpoint chest pain that felt like a burning pain near the sternum area, I brushed it off as getting over an infection and the pain slowly went away and i felt normal. Flash forward to June of 2020. It had been a while since I saw my doctor so I went in because I wanted to talk about fertility issues since me and my partner had been trying to conceive for 2 years and we haven't been able to. I get there and they take my blood pressure and its 200/100 and my pulse was 171. This always happens whenever i go to the doctor, i get extra nervous and my pulse always skyrockets and so does my bp. I know for a fact its not even close to being that high at rest, only when I go to a medical office, ive had that issue for many years. The tone of the visit shifts to this and she asks me to go to the ER to stabilize my rates but I stubbornly refused to and left the office. Remember the chest pain from January? Yeah well that came back and it came back with a vengeance. My partner and my family kept telling me its all in my head and its not my heart and I called my doctor after about 5 days of it and they told me to go to the ER which I did. I get to the ER and they do an abdominal CT scan, chest x ray, ecg and lab work and all of them came back normal. They gave me a beta blocker called metoprolol and discharged me. I ended up changing doctors to a provider closer to my house so I wouldn't have to drive so far and she is a PA, not an MD. Went in for a new patient appointment and she went over the results from the ER and she told me that my ct revealed a small hernia in my abdomen. She had me lay on the exam table and started feeling on my abdomen and when she felt where it was, she had me sit up while she pressed on it. That was very painful for me and when I left the office, the area started hurting really bad and it would be so painful when I sat down or did anything. The 4th of july weekend was literal hell for me and I lost my appetite. I called her office and she told me that the hernia is the size of a pea and its impossible for any structure to get trapped in there and its the metoprolol which is causing me pain so she took me off metoprolol and prescribed 5mg amlodipine. Also I got referred to a cardiologist and got an appointment scheduled for September 28. This caused my appetite to come back but the pain persisted. It was enough to interfere with my daily life and the pain started to slowly taper off overtime. Now it's not that painful but when i do something intensive like moving furniture, i start to really hurt in that area. Amlodipine didn't really do anything for me, in fact it kind of increased my heart rate or at least I perceived it that way and I started to notice I was getting some frontal headaches in my temples and my forehead. On july 29 I noticed that i had veins popping out of the skin on my forehead. 2 of them in the center of my forehead and 2 of them on each side. Also I randomly developed a ringing sound in my ears that got really bad. So I went back to my PA and she looked in my ears and said both of my eardrums are inverted and I have fluid in my right ear but it didnt look infected. So she says the veins popping out was due to blood pressure and prescribed me a new beta blocker called Carvedilol 3.1 mg. Told me to take it once a day. She also said that since my cardiologist appointment was so far in the future, she was going to go ahead and order an echocardiogram and holter monitor. I start this new beta blocker and im pretty sure it does what its supposed to do but it makes me extremely tired and after about a week of taking it, I started to feel short of breath. Almost like my airways started to narrow and I felt clear mucus coming up in my chest, not to mention it did absolutely nothing about the painful bulging veins in my forehead. So I visit my PA once again and tell her what's going on and she listens to my carotid artery wirh a stethoscope, feels the veins in my feet and listens to my heart and says that it is due to the blood pressure and wants me to start taking 6.2 mg of carveidilol twice a day and she added losartan. At this point, I am skeptical that its my blood pressure causing this. I got my echocardiogram done and they said it was normal except that i had a little bit of regurgitation in the mitral and tricuspid valve. I didnt take my medication that day and they measured my blood pressure at 134/90. Which is much lower than the 180 or 190 it was at the office. So I buy a blood pressure cuff and measure it at home and it mostly stays in the 130/80 range. It goes lower than that when im relaxing. I visit my PA again and she schedules a head CT scan, something I haven't scheduled yet. A week ago, the chest pains from June came back on the right side and they feel like a burning or aching pain like someone punched me in the chest and that pain started radiating to my neck as I can feel soreness literally in the neck, in the arms and in my back. I tried advil and ice but the pain didn't get better so today I went to the ER, they did a chest x ray, d dimer and troponin and cbc test. Nurse came in and said that my troponin was normal but it was on the high end of normal. They took another troponin test and ekg to make sure. Doctor comes in after a while and says its most likely muscleskelatal and my chest x ray was normal and everything else was fine. He gave me toradol and steroids and sent me home. All of this is causing me a ton of anxiety, and a ton of frustration, I know something is not right with me. I remember when i was normal and none of this was going on. I really need a second opinion. I recently found out how to order my own lab tests via QUEST and one month ago, I took a HCRP test which came back as 9.8 mg/L and my PA chalked it up to be just due to having high cholesterol. I went back to the ER on Monday because I was in so much pain in my chest and they ran lab tests and ct scan but found nothing except a calcified small nodule in my lung that the er doc said was benign. I ordered an autoimmune panel from walk in labs and my ANA is negative, HCRP is over 10mg/L up from 9.8mg/L and my ESR is 25. Everything else from cbc was in normal range except for MCH. I can't find another doctor to go to because they're not taking new patients and I feel so frustrated, anxious and scared. If any bright minds on reddit want to take a crack at this, feel free to do so. I just need some answers. http://imgur.com/a/PnBPPT4. Lab test
2020.09.23 20:55 CompetitiveCupcake9Question about insurance once you leave..
7 year partner here, and I'm trying to leave as soon as I can. The only problem is I recently had an ER visit and I was once told that if you leave the company then they won't cover your medical bills and end up voiding your insurance and billing you as if you didn't have insurance at the time. Is that true? Or since my insurance already covered most of it I'm in the clear?
2020.09.23 20:10 AcanthisittaNo4268How to create standards around financial compatibility for potential partners (29f)?
Hi there! I'm really curious on how other people do this, I would like to create a boundary for myself for future partners, but not sure what's fair or where to start! What are your boundaries like? About me: I'm not a high-earner yet, but I'll say that I'm pushing 6 figures without an MBA (i live in a huge, expensive city, so this isn't a huge amount to earn here), have good credit, a good 401k, solid long term saving, and zero debt outside of a financed car. In short, I'm in a fully financially independent yuppie and proud of it. My last relationship, he was er..... not exactly financially prudent; it's something that was constantly on my mind in my last relationship, so so I wanna have a better experience next time. Him: He had amassed some 100k of student debt on an undergrad degree that was barely touched/paid off. He had earned a BIG salary in the oil fields his first few years out of school, but BLEW through his money and when that industry tanked, he lost his job, used up all his retirement savings and amassed some 10k in credit card debt while being laid off for well over a year. He was 30 when I met him and he had maybe 1k in his 401k, a couple thousand in additional savings, and was earning significantly less than me. He paid off his credit card debt while he was with me, but had all the additional issues plus a really twisted sense of frugality (like wouldn't spend a dime on clothes because "he didn't have the extra few hundred bucks to spend in clothes", but found it appropriate to "bulk buy" 300 bucks worth of alcohol in one go. Or finance a $1,500 gaming laptop because "he never had one before".) The ONLY piece of his finances I was totally cool with was that he was earning less than me. That doesn't bother me in the least cause I'm not looking for someone to "take care of me". While that would be a huge bonus, it's really not something I find important for a great relationship right now.... OH. and he had good credit. But where do I draw the line on the rest? His finances were super concerning about what that would mean for us down the line or a future together. I'm thinking that I want someone more or less my equal? This is what I got so far in no particular order:
Someone that makes ~ 30% less than me or more give or take (again HUGE city, EXPENSIVE city. I'd rather not foot the bill for all discretionary spending between us)
Someone that has no debt, or if he does, has a plan to get it down to zero in the next 10 years/not taking it to the grave (I come from a background that my mom's saving, and credit were RUINED for 7 years due to a relationship)
Edit: LOVED the feedback here so just removing this loose standard all together: Someone that's not a cheap-stake, (is generous with his spending - to himself, myself or others) but doesn't blow his discretionary income if he has other responsibilities)
Someone that has a career where they're able to take PTO to go on vacation/travel, or earns enough that if time off is not paid, they still are willing to take the days off.
Someone that has at least a little sense of ambition or financial goals (I would like to earn enough to support a family, I would like to earn enough to take a year off work and focus on my business, etc etc)
Edit, same as above, as commenters have said... shit happens where they might not have savings. Has some sort of saving? Unsure how realistic of an expectation this is?
What I really don't know is WHEN is it appropriate to start asking this questions while dating? It's not exactly like people put their financial statements on their Bumble profile lol.(apparently this joke is being taken as serious lol taking it off :b ) And if someone is GREAT other than their financial standing, am I settling for bending the boundaries I'm trying to draw? Is it fair that I bring forth any expectations if there's pieces that are severely lacking/have not been met yet by him? How important is good financial compatibility when you're looking for a LTR or lifetime partner? PS: I'm really not looking to hear from people making half a mil a year that would be able to date someone that's never had a job because money isn't an object for them, more just normies like me lol.
2020.09.23 14:10 EmmawrotePsychosis 2020, it just seems fitting
Psychotic episode 2020 I started to see meaning in places where I never would have even bothered to look or observe; such as video games (the beta version of video games potentially being able to be used as an analogy for glitching within humans ((mental illness)), for example in the beta of the game called Eco, when the human character tries to see the meteor that is headed to earth, before they have adequetly developed their society/technology, than the game begins to glitch ) I have a magazine by the TIME and it is title beautiful phenomenon, I see the pages about gysers, and I read titles about tensions below the surface, I see that title reflecting in personal life, and then, raising, it reflects on a broader plane, it begins to represent tensions in our world, in our species and among all species on our planet. I do not exactly worry but thoughts are piling in, fluoride in our water, pesticides in our food, garbage in our advertisements, greed in our culture, money in the hands of the powerful and violent hearted, grass dead on the ground, trees crying out in the wind with pain, rain falling, poisoned by the very sea that is meant to purify the cycles of weather, clouds heavy in the sky. I did rain dances in the shower, I sang songs of an older people, a people before my time, a people that are of my but also taken by those who are also of me. I sit in the bathtub, giving birth to the earth, female ejaculation is not just for pleasure it is a release, for the healing and relieving of the friction of birth. I moan, at the top of my voice in the car, I feel like I am in labor, I convulse, on the way to the hospital. The night before I can not sleep, I see shadow-y outlines in the dark, night walker, it is in my blurry insomniac vision, but it represents those who walk for evil. Either in digital form, or in life, come out at night, but truthfully the night represents a darkness of the soul. I had a vision, when making eggs (representing eggs that grow into children in women's bodies) that I would give birth to three children ( three eggs went into the pan, cooking had become something I did that flowed out of my body from somewhere I did not understand), that the youngest, a boy, would change the world, through a hybridization of technologya nd nature, he would bring a peace that was sustainable, he would find a way to touch his ancetriol roots, and bring them back into the present, and tie together our human world, on the brink of destruction. I had a memory, a feeling vision, A's grandpa, or Opa, was a child nazi soldier in WW2. Story goes that his Opa was a roma, or a gypsy. The Nazi's used mystical orgies and spiritual brainwashing techniques that were to make people believe that their evil was good, and they would recruit young boys and make them do terrible things. My memory/vision was that that trauma was in A's generational trauma, and he still has that lingering in his psychie. When we got to the hospital, We walked into the ER, and I felt like I was on fire, I was so hot. I had been in the heat, but my temperature had been up and down, ranging from extremely overheated to extremey hot, so much so that I had to regulate my body temperature often with hot or cold showers. or heavy blankets. or light sheets, at night. When we walked in, I collapsed, dead to the ground. I got up a few seconds later, when they started to help me. I had this weird thing where it felt like I was having compulsive movements, that I somehow knew if I tried to resist then my body would stiffen and be stuck like that, or start to be choppy and tight. Then, as the technicians led me back, I had the impulse to run, so I ran, as hard as I could towards A. The people were strong who held me so I was basically running in place in mid air, and they dragged me back to the room, where the impulse to run left me and I laid down calmly while they strapped me down. the room was filled and I answered the questions quickly and fluidly as they were shot at me. At one point speaking German for about a minute straight when asked if I knew any, because I had told them my partner was German. I got the impulse to scream, so I did, screaming to A, screaming (It's a BETA game A, it's a BETA game!! We still have time! It's ok!! It's in BETA!) then I start talking to A, knowing somehow that our minds are connected, he has come with me, I tell him; these straps would be so easy to unstrap. they are loose (which they were) just be calm, it'll be ok. My body wants to convulse, I let it, I'm now at the bottom of the bed thrashing like im in labor. I feel a deep push in pelvis and I want relief, I want to push out what is inside. they strap me down more tightly, at this point I'm screaming again, my throat is gettng sore, they start an IV and then I'm out.
2020.09.23 06:37 CthulhuGuy12How my Spaceman went from a smoking chaotic fucker to a reformed religious man through the power of genetics and God cookies
This story happened on Fulp Station yesterday and tells the tale of spaceman Jaxson, geneticist, and one of the heroes of the station Be me, new geneticist who came in around 15 minutes in, finding one of my partners overdosed on powers and the other dying of fiery sweat. so a normal genetics shift Cool powers unlocked, I run around the station handing out hulk and space adapt to people, as well as helping a disgruntled lawyer by giving him a mute needle to "adjust" his superior with, fun times causing havoc, Eventually end up in cargo when an "unknown" trys kidnapping QM and killing him in maint I already had hulk and thermal vision, making it easy to scare him off out the air lock and save qm, when I come back out of cargo I see another 'Unkown" and being the smooth brain hulk, smash ungu bunga smash, I kill him, assuming he was a ling, and give him to security to burn come back to genetics to make telikinetics, hop comes along, we hang out, I smokeing a whole pack of cigs, as my spaceman always has enjoyed a case of lung cancer. Then all of a sudden massive announcement from cap, "KILLERS NEEDED FOR MY PRIVATE TEAM" I think wth, may as well, so I don my hazard suit and bring a whole backpack full of powers to help the team Turns out they were nukies who I fought and the Cap wants a kill team to be teleported to there ship, Fuk yeah, who doesn't love killing nukies Teleported to a base with stuff for us near the ship, we the find out that cap was sorta a condom as he didn't prepare anyway to survive space once we got there Oshtwehaveagenticist.jpg everyone on the kill team gets some powers, hulk, space adapt, telikinisis, thermalvision, the works Not enough space adapt for everyone but enough spare suits to keep most protected, As we teleport to the ship we all break out smashing shit, looking around for anyone on the ship for around ten minutes. Finding no one the Cap finally teleports on board, tells us we did a good job, I keep looking around and found an ssd nuki and bring him before cap to kill "nah man we will give him court justice" ffs, fine. He is then left handcuffed and sat in a chair as people luit the ship, Everyone finally being resistant to space anon "so how we going to get back" Cap" uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh cant we drive the ship" anon "its too broken" Condom "I didn't think this far, seems like we'er stuck" ffs Hop tells cap to get borg to binary message ai, link hand teleporter and get everyone out. Thanks Hop I knew you were the best While we're talking, Nuki reconnects and runs off I elect to chaise him, bring him back to a now empty ship, as I see a blue portal shimmer out of existence .... .... they left me ... nuki escapes binds and runs off, I think fuck if I'ma die out hereIm at least killing you hulksmash.exe nuki dead and I take his jetpack, pick a random direction, and go find nothing for a while, realise I am running out of O2 and probably not going to make it, Think of how I harrased the crew, and think of how I helped the kill squad and captain, think that even though I might die, I killed 2 nukis and helped the station out by empowering the people (kek), fuk it may as well pray, Jaxon ain't a believer but fuk else he got talk to the air, asking if anyone out there, telling about how he helped the station, and how he would use his life wisely and shit if he lived, saying please to anyone out there no response, I accept my fate, not the worst one out there, wish I could have lived mo... BWESHSHSH Be me, back at the bar in front of a confused crowd of people, "THANK YOU", I shout and run off to find the rest of the kill squad and tell my story, most don't care or are happy im back, captain apologizes for leaving me, tempted to kill him for leaving me but ehhh who gives a fuk, im safe now go back to gentics, give most of science powers, shuttle called as shift was 2 hrs now and people wanted off, take one last stop in chaple, "yo just wanted to say thanks, thanks a lot, you saved me, Im going to dedicate my life to helping the crew with science and Ill even stop smoking to preserve my health that you saved" *Holy Music Intensifies\* A cookie appears in my hand as I see a message from the almighty powers, saying something along the lines of "The magestic holy cookie" I send one last thank you to the gods as I eat the cookie, enjoying life Jaxon has never smoked since, and goes to the chaple almost every shift to say thanks and worship Did not think my spaceman game would be this good
2020.09.23 05:48 bacondonerightTales from Level 67
Decay and monotony. The constant, never ending cycle. Such is life in The Bunker, and such is life on Level 67. In the end, what does it matter? The guard is but a wire in the greater machine that is the bunker. The greater machine that runs and runs just as The Computer has predetermined. But does It even exist? Who has seen The Computer? Who runs The Computer? These are the thoughts dancing around Semyon's skull, vague and illusive as the surface world. He knows he should not doubt the wisdom of those superior to himself. For he is but a man, with a man's memory and a man's reason. And man, by its very nature, is fallible. Man is but a bundle of flesh and failure. But man also can think. Reason. While this reason may be flawed, it is still present. Underdeveloped is the intellect of man, and thus it must be directed by what is infinitely more intelligent. But the mind is present, and it must remain present. For man without reason becomes one of the Whirlers in the walls, whirling away the remains of their reason. The remains of what makes them man is consumed by the desires of the Whirl. To submit to these desires is to destroy reason. The destruction of reason makes man no better than the Flesh. The constant consuming Flesh. Semyon hears this, and Semyon believes in it. Or so he tells himself. But after all these days, all these patrols that blend together into the next... Semyon's become tired. Not the kind of tired that comes from a lack of sleep, but rather the constant, heavy pressure on the soul. The kind of tired only brought by monotony and a complete lack of purpose. What was Semyon's original purpose? Even he does not know. He just keeps going, on and on, tracing the drab walls of Level 67. This level is somehow even worse than his home of Level 34. Truly, he misses Level 34. He misses home. Home is gone. He knows this. He saw this. The Separationists burned the level to cinders. The Separationists stole everything he knew and pulverized it beneath a fist of supposed progress. So Semyon joined the guardsmen. He wanted to strike back at those who slew his only friends before his eyes. But such was not the will of The Computer. The Powers that Be nominated Semyon to patrol Level 67. And so he did. And so he does. And so he will always do. The growths on the walls spread constantly. Semyon raises a hand to the gasmask on his face, checking the seal. The filters must remain in place, lest the toxic fumes from the incinerating growths get in the lungs. The growths never stop growing. When the first man fell, gasping and choking on his own bloody throat, it was terrible. By the seventh, it was routine. And so after three years of these patrols, Semyon knows the first thing to tell the new guys. Check your mask. Make sure it works. Better yet, save for a newer one and purchase it from the sympathetic supply boys on Level 64. His mask works. Semyon makes doubly sure. He glances to his right, checking for his partner. Yamane offers Semyon a thumbs-up, signaling that his mask is sealed. Yamane and Semyon have been placed together on growth duty for the last twenty months together. Semyon can't recall if he's ever seen the man's face. "I'm ready," Yamane says to his partner, voice distorted by the heavy gasmask. From what Semyon can tell, the voice is that of man, perhaps older in age, or maybe just a heavy fumer. But Semyon is not one to judge one's fuming habits. He abuses the substance more than he cares to admit. He flicks the safety off of his incinerator, angling the nozzle towards the flesh colored mass that spreads across the walls in a chaotic pattern as if a child splashed paint upon it. A child? When was the last time Semyon saw a child? He burns the the dangerous thoughts away with the growth in front of him. The heavy tank Semyon wears on his back attaches to the nozzle by an opaque tube that slides into the back of the handle. The lighter sparks, igniting a small flame. The kerosene flows forth, bursting into liquid fire as it passes above the spark, striking the mass. It releases an high pitched whistle, followed by a visceral sizzling as the flesh boils away, both partly liquifying and partly evaporating. The liquid runs into the grates below, the terrible liquid flesh soaking the two guards' boots in its toxic self. Neither reacts to this. The orange flames dance in the reflection of Semyon's gasmask, bright and beautiful. A rare spark of color and beauty in a world of dreary monotony. But this rare beauty is used strictly to burn and destroy. Destroy what can never stop destroying. Destroy what must be destroyed before it destroys what should not really exist anymore. Humanity's time was before The Bunker. Here, deep beneath the soil, there is only what cannot be comprehended by man. But The Computer can comprehend. The Computer always will. The heat on Semyon's skin dies away with the dissipating flame as he releases the trigger of the incinerator. Yamane does the same, lowering his incinerator to the side. The last embers slowly trickle out and die. The two turn around and set back out down the drab hallways of Level 67. The growth is gone, and the job is complete. At least for this side of the Expansion District. The two walk in near silence, only broken up by the sound of their own footsteps and rattling equipment. The halls are dark. As per The Computer's mandate, each guardsman is only allowed three minutes of flashlight time a day. Yet after hundreds of days walking these halls, Semyon knows the paths like the back of his hand. Despite his best efforts, the question continues to bother the young guardsman. Finally, after another minute of unbearable silence, Semyon speaks up. "Hey, Yamane?" Without even turning to face Semyon, Yamane replies, "Yeah?" "Have... have ya seen a kid recently?" Semyon braces for a verbal scolding in reply, but it never comes. Instead, Yamane hesitates, then asks in return, "Ye mean like a new guy? On of 'em fresh guards?" "Nah, I'm talkin' 'bout..." Semyon drifts off, not sure how to phrase his question. Yamane finishes the question for him. "A real kid?" Semyon cringes when he hears his question repeated back to him. "I-I... guess. I mean, yeah. A real kid, ya know?" Instead of a deflection or a laugh, Yamane goes quiet. The two continue in silence for half a minute, before Yamane speaks back up. In a quiet, almost wistful voice, he says, "I had one, ye know that?" "What?" "Yeah. Helluva long time ago, mind, but... I did. But I can't... I jus'... it's been a while." Semyon, curious, asks hesitantly, worried that any question may cause his partner to close back up, "How long are we talkin'?" "Dunno." Yamane lets out a grim cackle, the sound unnerving and uncomfortable, causing Semyon to tense up. "Not anymore, at least. He... er I think it was a he, was... a good kid. Smart. I always pressured 'im, ye hear me?" Semyon looks over at his partner, his confusion hidden behind his gasmask. "Fuck, man, how old are ya, anyway?" Yamane hesitates. "I... don't know. Fuck... I don't know." He turns to Semyon, the sudden motion causing him to flinch and reach for his handgun. The halls tend to do that to a man. Make them jumpy. "I had a wife, too, boy. But... I can't remember her face." "A wife?" "Ye wouldn't know," Yamane replies, voice distraught and filled with suppressed anger. "None of ye know! None of you! We jus' keep... goin' and goin' and goin'! E'ry day, more of my mind... my memories... my humanity! It slips away! And goes down, down into a void I can't reach no more." Semyon doesn't know how to reply to this. Instead, Semyon looks for Yamane's eyes. Semyon can barely see what lies behind the murky lenses of the mask. But barely is enough. He sees a man with tired eyes. Eyes whose color is indistinct, not that it would matter anyway. But around the eyes are wrinkles. Aging. And deep in those eyes are weariness. A deep seated weariness that Semyon can relate to on a spiritual level. It is the bond that brings all of his fellow guardsmen together. A bond that transcends language. The bond of exhausted men moving through an exhausted world. Suddenly, Yamane's eyes snap upwards, focusing on something just over the younger guardsman's shoulder. Semyon watches as Yamane's hand drifts for his handgun. Semyon, seeing this, slowly reaches for his own. There is fear and shock in the eyes of the elder. They draw in sync, Semyon spinning around and dropping to a knee, activating his flashlight at the same time. The beam of light illuminates the tunnel, exposing the silhouette of one of the Incomprehensible. Blood drips from what might have been a mouth. Instead of a nose, there are two slits, booth leaking a mixture of blood and the unknown. A ragged, patchy face stares at the two men with broken, mindless eyes. Murky eyes that may have vision, but do not see. They see, but they do not grasp. They see, but they do not comprehend. They stare on unceasingly, staring into a void of nothingness that the creature that was once man cannot understand. Seven rounds, the daily amount allotted for a guardsman, are loaded into both of their handguns. Both are leveled at the creature's distinctly human yet inhuman face. It opens its bloody jaws, speaking in a voice that is barely above a gargle, "I had a son, too." Both men open fire, unloading their entire magazines into the mockery of flesh's body. It spins around, body thrown by the impact of the rounds. The flashes illuminate the tunnels, allowing brief glimpses of the whole creature's twisted form. Semyon does not want to see, but he does. He cannot look away. And then, like a marionette cut from its strings, what was once a man seizes and goes limp. It collapses without time to scream. The two guards stare at the broken body for another minute, recovering their breath. They both stand back up, sharing a final glance, before continuing down the halls with extra haste. The journey back is silent.
2020.09.23 01:03 39ebookcomDaoist Immortal-------A Martial Arts ( Wu Xia ) Novel Season 1 Chapter 6: Forbidden Forest meets danger (III)
Chapter 6: Forbidden Forest meets danger (III) The skinny monkey and big head quickly stood up and ran to Xiao Tian's side, while Xiao Tian quickly stood up, pulled Yeon'er behind him, handed back the scythe in his hand to the big head, pulled out the harpoon from behind, and waited strictly in the direction of the sound, the skinny monkey and big head saw the situation, and did not dare to slow down, one hand holding the scythe, the other hand holding the wood chopper, respectively, standing to the left and right of Xiao Tian, firmly protecting Yeon'er, busy, the skinny monkey also Knocking himself on the thigh with the handle of the knife, he muttered, "Don't shake! Stop shaking! I'm not even afraid of what you're shaking about." "Whew-" an even fiercer gale blew by, dead leaves and twigs were swept up, carrying dust and water vapour flying in the sky, and the four of them had to temporarily close their eyes. After the wind stopped blowing for a while, the four of them slowly opened their eyes and were stunned by the scene before them. The shadows of the trees swayed on its body, turning its fur into a dark gold color, and the black markings on it were very vivid, making it a mighty king of the forest. There is an old poem to prove it. the fox has no power, the hare has no cunning Hunger comes to devour and fill the bowels. The sun and the moon are not afraid to walk roughshod over them. The Emperor produced a caracal for life. "Withdraw!" Such a huge and mighty beast is really hard to raise the morale of the people, Xiao Tian saw that the tiger didn't seem to care about the few of them, busy quietly ordered the partners, a few people cat crept to the other side of the forest! "Puff-" I don't know if it was because of nervousness or what, but at this moment of great danger, the skinny monkey actually let out a loud fart. "Pfft!" To make matters worse, Big Head was caught off guard, and his nerves were so frightened by the sound made by the skinny monkey that he sat on his butt in the stream, splashing in all directions and making even more noise. The "wonderful" performance of the thin monkey and big head "successfully" attracted the attention of the tiger, so that the tiger was aware of the existence of the four people in Xiaotian, the giant tiger lifted its head, the pair of copper bell-like eyes like lightning, sweeping the four people in Xiaotian. The sweat hairs of the Xiaotian Four immediately stood up, and the few of them no longer hid their tracks, spreading their legs and running backwards. "Roar-" the tiger seemed to be enraged by the few people and stood up and gave a low growl. "Skinny Monkey, Big Head you guys take Yan'er and run first, I'll go distract him!" Goten understood that if he didn't do something soon, all four of them might become a meal for the tiger! With that, he pushed a few of his buddies backwards, but he didn't retreat and walked slowly towards the tiger with his harpoon. "Tiny Timmy!" Even though Yeon was scared, she had to rush up and stand with Goten. "Skinny Monkey Big Head, drag Yeon'er away for me, quick!!!" Goten was in a big hurry and snapped at me! "We're with you-" the situation is dire, even though fear is immense, but how can Skinny Monkey and Big Head abandon their childhood friend to escape, each holding a weapon also have to go forward. "Please, take Yan'er away, you'll only be killed if you stay, I might have a chance to escape on my own. Move it!" Goten said almost pleadingly. "Little Sky-" Skinny Monkey and Big Head were already teary-eyed. "I'm not leaving, I'm staying with you!" Yeon cried out. "Go!" Little Tian finally got furious and turned to Skinny Monkey and the others and roared. The Skinny Monkey and Big Head bit their teeth, wiped the hot tears from their eyes, and one of them grabbed an arm, dragging Yeon'er and ran backwards. "The company has been in the process of developing the new product for the past two years, and is now in the process of developing the new product. The tiger was about to pounce on the prey, but Xiaotian held his harpoon in front of him and waved it wildly, provoking the tiger: "Big guy, your opponent is me! Come on, come on!" The tiger was shocked by Xiao Tian's actions, and instead took a step back, no longer caring about the whereabouts of the three skinny monkeys, but looking at Xiao Tian with a pair of big eyes with great interest, wondering why the little thing in front of him dared to stop him, one person and one tiger even confronted each other like this. The cries of Yeon'er are getting farther and farther away and can no longer be heard, while Xiao Tian's head and hand holding the harpoon are full of cold sweat. The tiger was shocked and took a few steps backwards to avoid the harpoon, while Xiaotian took the opportunity to get into the next bush with one bone and ran deeper into the forest, picking the densely wooded area. The more advantageous it was to himself. The tiger was really enraged, "roar-" a whistle, and followed the shadow of Xiaotian, but Xiaotian was extremely tricky, not only to run to the dense bushes, but also to turn left and right, the tiger's huge body turnover is not nimble, and everywhere, can not catch up. The rush is a continuous roar. As I was running, a fishy wind suddenly blew in front of me, with dead leaves flying, dust filled the air, along with the sound of a tree branch snapping and a wild roar, a huge object appeared in front of the three people. A huge black bear! This black bear is twice as big as the colorful tiger just now, standing up just next to the crown of the tree, covered in black hard fur, a pair of ferocious bloodshot eyes stared at the three lean monkeys fiercely, as if they were going to choose someone to devour. When they saw the black bear, the three men, who were already exhausted from running, had a cold heart and escaped from the tiger's mouth, but unexpectedly fell into the bear's paws again. "Otou, take Yeon away!" The skinny monkey, with a lean body, gripped the wood-breaking knife in his hand and said with determination, "It seems he's going to learn from Little Heaven. "Skinny Monkey, you take Yan'er first!" The big head pulled at the skinny monkey. "Huh? Nooooo!" Yeon's surprised voice. The first thing that you need to do is to take a look at the bear, and you'll see that it's not just the bear, but also the rabbit, which is a hundred times smaller than the bear. The bear suddenly turned into a huge fireball, screaming and rolling on the ground, and several bowl-thick trees broke in the bear's tumble. Slowly the flames disappeared, and the big black bear that was just like a small mountain was burned to nothing but a handful of ashes, and a cold wind rolled past. "Girlie!" Yan'er was not surprised, but delighted. She went forward to hug the "bunny". "Don't!" This "little rabbit" is so strange that Big Head and Skinny Monkey felt a chill in their hearts, and pulled Ye'er, who was about to go forward, to the ground. The "little rabbit" slowly turned around and looked at Yeon Er's blue eyes, which were no longer cold, but filled with a warm smile. Before Ye'er could speak, the three of them fell softly to the ground and suddenly disappeared. When Skinny Monkey and the others gradually woke up, they found that the three of them were already at the entrance of the Forbidden Forest, with the Wind Villa behind them. "Just come back like this." Skinny Monkey said in amazement. "Niu Niu!" The first thing you need to do is to take a look at the newest addition to the list, the newest addition to the list, the newest addition to the list. "It seems to have exhausted its energy. The more you run, the higher the terrain, the more your energy will be depleted, and the closer the tiger is to catch up with you, the more you can feel the hot air coming out of the tiger's mouth. In front of him was a cliff, so unfathomable that he couldn't see the bottom but only the lingering clouds. The problem was that the tiger chasing him behind didn't care about the twenty-first century, pounced on him, and before he had time to react, he was carried out of the cliff by the tiger, one tiger and one person tumbled, and fell deep into the clouds. What was Little Sky's fate? Read the next chapter, "The Adventure Under the Cliff".
2020.09.22 23:55 byoshin304Endo wouldn’t be so bad if...
I could actually find healthcare and afford it. On almost every thread I get told I should see a specialist. That’s my dream. However there are a few problems with that - I live in America and I have shitty healthcare I had to buy on the healthcare marketplace in CA because my job can’t offer healthcare (we get paid a medical stipend because they really want to offer it though and it’s to help cover the expense) however EVERY single specialist in CA is out of my network. So I would have to work really hard to get it covered (and risk getting denied) and have to pay out of pocket — or pay out of pocket. Never mind the fact that the closest specialist is 5 hours away from me because I live in a rural area. I make too much money to be on MediCal. I was lucky to find my doctor (she’s not even that helpful tbh but it’s all I got) because she was the ONLY doctor in my area and in my network taking new patients. She literally told me the only reason she accepted me as a patient is because “I’m young and less likely to need more care” meaning it would lighten her patient workload. She literally told me that despite my history that she should I found out that even with my insurance it was cheaper to go to the walk-in clinic ($100 flat fee w/o insurance) than it is to see her WITH insurance (about $150 per visit). When I had an ultrasound back in June the amount I have to pay is $597 which I can’t afford right now so the bill has been sitting on my desk waiting to go to collections. The hospital keeps calling me to schedule a follow up ultrasound because there is a cyst but I keep ignoring it because I can’t afford it. There was a night I actually puked from the pain & my partner made me go to the ER despite not being able to afford it. I sat there for an hour waiting to be triaged, and another hour before I left without being seen because there were 4 people ahead of me and ambulances still coming in. So endo wouldn’t be so bad if I could actually find care AND afford the care.
2020.09.22 21:28 gentleman_broncoDallas Stars Scouting Report (From a Stars Fan)
Ahoy Bolts fans! Stars fan here with the obligatory "coming in peace"! For real though, a really dope Bolts fan made a fantastic post on the Stars sub like this and I would like to return the favor because life is too rough right now to keep adding negativity to our lives. First off: Congrats on making it to the Stanley Cup!! As mentioned, u/emotoaster (bro) made a cool post breaking down Tampa's roster on something of a scouting report because like most fan bases, you don't know as much as you probably should about your opposing team and what better way than to get it from an opposing fan!? I really apprecaited the post and he did a great job (and I'll try to keep with the same format that they used over on the other side). I am going to try to return the favor here but I admittedly am not a pro-fan and I don't know all the details that some other super-fans will know but I'm going to do my best to be a self-appointed ambassador for the green dudes y'all are playing against. Overall System/Style of Play We are a defensive club in and out. Yes, there are some dudes who have histories of great goal scoring and high point seasons but pushing the pace on offense leaves for an open defense. Our system is to shut down from the back end and push the opportunities forward. No need to score a bunch if 1 will do the trick. We can have a very solid neutral zone trap when facing teams that rely on a north-south approach. It was very effective in game 1 of our series and against Vegas as well. At our best, we will trap the neutral zone and then jump forward with a clean entry with some tick-tack-toe passing or crash the net. At our worst, we can't get the puck out of our defensive zone cleanly. Most of the time, we will have a mixture of both depending on the line combination and matchups and will revert to a chip & chase method which leads to some decent forechecking pressure in the corners. We have a few guys who do this really well and a couple that are still getting there. Like you, we got here because of our depth and un-sung heroes. Head Coach Rick "Bones" Bowness: Well, technically not even the head coach. He is the interim HC. He started the year working under the system of Jim Montgomery who was dismissed on 10 December 2019 for "unprofessional conduct". Since then Bowness was activated as the interim Head Coach. A legacy of sorts with a coaching career that goes back to 1982 where he was a player-coach with the Sherbrooke Jets of the AHL. Since then he's been up & down, in & out, all around the game of hockey in one capacity or another. A career assistant coach who enjoys development and working with individual players mostly, which has probably contributed to his checkered career as a head coach. Nevertheless, he put on the suit & tie in Dallas to become the oldest coach in the NHL after Monty's departure and it's been a rollercoaster. Some say that Bones doesn't want to stay on as HC next year, and others seem to think that he needs to. But that is for Bones & Jim Nill (Dallas GM) to figure out. Personally, I think he will want to go back to assistant and keep working on player's individual development. But that is just my homer opinion. "Losing sucks but losing to such a great person in Rick makes it a little bit easier." Nathan MacKinnon. Apparently Mac & Bones live on the same lake back in Nova Scotia. Other teams that he has been part of in the NHL as HC: Winnipeg, Boston, Ottawa, New York Islanders, & Phoenix. As Assistant: Vancouver & Tampa Bay (2013-2018). General Stats: Again, we are a defensive based team and this reflects in the statistics. Before the shutdown, 37-24-8 Record. We had a whopping 178 Goals For this past year (3rd lowest in the league) with a mere 174 Goals Against (Second lowest in the league behind Boston). This equates to a game average of 2.58 - 2.52 per game. It isn't good for your blood pressure to be a Stars fan. In case you didn't know...y'all are at a league high of 3.47-2.77. As far as Special Teams are concerned, we finished the abbreviated season with a (somewhat) rock hard PP of 21.1% conversion rate and a rather ugly PK of 79.7%, which I think you thoroughly enjoyed last night. For faceoffs, we've got a slight statistical superiority on the dot, finishing the season at 51.8% against your 50.5%. Offense Lines: (With Monty as HC, there was always fluctuations in lines. He would perpetually throw out different combinations and different looks, so this is the "traditional layout" if you were ask a casual Stars fan on a "usual game") 1st Line - Alexander Radulov - Tyler Seguin Point - Jamie Benn The "big boys" (read: big contracts, lol). In reality Seggs usually is the "playmaker" of the group and will usually have a good FO%. Rads is the hustle of the group who can generate sloppy looking chances from a great forecheck. He often gets overly aggressive and takes thoughtless penalties. In the Monty days, he occasionally would be a healthy scratch if he was being a dumbass on the ice. And he would typically come back to net a Hatty. Benn is our C. He is a big dude who enjoys playing physically in front of the net. He has been the leader on and off the ice for Dallas for the past seven seasons. He is heavily criticized from all sides as not doing "enough" for the team but in reality the guy can be a monster. I really feel as if he missed his calling on a traditional checking line but his offensive skill is what pushed him to the top. He won the Art Ross in '14/'15 and a gold medal with Canada in '14. 2nd Line - Mattias Janmark - Joe Pavelski - Denis Gurianov It's going to be tough to put the "traditional lines" up here because they jump around so much. Janmark: Swedish. Scored on you last night. Janny has a great forecheck and will always be in the mix. He doesn't translate very well on the offensive scoresheet but man, does he hustle on the ice. He frequently is on the PK and doesn't get much praise in the Stars subreddit due to his "inability to finish". Frequently we joke that...Stars on a breakaway, fuck - it's Janny. I don't think it's a confidence thing or a drought thing. He's got a great game, just doesn't translate well to the system offensively. He's a UFA after this season and probably won't get resigned. Which sucks, because he's one of my favorites. Joe Pavelski: Huge lottery win in the Free Agent Market got us Captain America. Great presence on the dot. Fantastic in front of the net. Unfortunately, we don't seem to put him there too often. He is leading our team in playoff goals right now and is #3 of all time for American born players in the playoffs. He is a real leader for the club and brings a ton of experience on the PP. Denis Gurianov: Or Scorianov. Rooke. Leading goalscorer for the regular season (20). Wicked slapshot. Wicket wristshot. Wicked snapshot. Really fast skater and what has surprised most Stars fans this postseason is how physical he can play. He has been getting in the mix and throwing the body fairly well. 3rd Line - Andrew Cogliano - Radek Faska - Blake Comeau Grind time! The FCC line was the complete jobber this entire season. We matched the Av's top line with this group in the last series. This is clearly my favorite offensive line. They don't generate much on the scoresheet but damnit if they earn their paychecks! Cogliano: Veteran from around the league. He is the smallest dude on the bench at 5'11, 177. Has 1K+ games recorded and notched a 20 goal season once. The guy is always on the PK, always on the forecheck and always giving is best. He came over from Anaheim last year in a super rare one-for-one swap for Devin Shore. Cogs is a real ironman, which is ironic because it was a rare injury to him that made him a healthy scratch to give JFK a chance (we'll get to him later). Radek Faksa - Our top two-way center. He will be Dallas' Marian Hossa. He has a great presence on the ice and plays really good hockey. He is an RFA this season and I highly suspect Dallas will pay a pretty penny to keep him. Blake Comeau: Fuck, he's probably my favorite forward. 34 year old veteran has been wearing the A recently and he owns it. Always giving his best and really playing his heart out. Is the best? Prettiest? Fastest? Hell no! Is he going to play in your face, throw the body all night and fire off some wild clapper from the top of the circle? Yup! He's got one year left on his contract and he'll probably hang 'em up afterwards (I hope as i don't think Dallas will resign a 36 year old third line grinder and I would never want him to wear another jersey). 4th Line - Corey Perry - Jason Dickinson - Roope Hintz I guess this is the third line, or second...IDK. Corey Perry: Y'all, Imma be up front with you. It's weird. He was the bane of so much. In your face. Pest. Pesky. All those reasons ~we~ you hate him. Ask any Stars fan and they'll tell you how weird it is cheering for him. But here is the skinny - He's wearing victory green. He's being a pest for us (not against us). Yeah, he's done some stupid shit (see his ~six seconds of winter classic ice time) but he signed for a bottom of the basement level contract ($1.5M) riddled with potential bonuses that don't hit the cap. Excellent signing for our GM. I doubt he'll resign in Dallas but this was his "rebound year". Jason Dickskin er...Dickinson (Letterkenny fans?? I know it doesn't fit, but it's close enough for the drunk version of me on game night): Young kid on his first contract. He's an RFA next year and we'll want to keep him around. I believe management believes he could be the next version of Jamie Benn. Strong, scrappy forward who has a good net presence. He still has a lot of development to do but at 25 years old - he is gonna get there. Roope Hintz - Fuck this kid can fly. 23 years old. He's 6'3, 220 (same exact measurements as Jamie Benn) and can sake like the fucking wind. Grinds out lots of minutes on the PK and has a bunch of development to do. He was given a chance last year on some injuries and earned the permanent spot in the lineup after firing off a few wicked slapshots. He's an RFA this year and I really hope we can resign him. Others in the lineup: Joel "Fucking" Kiviranta: So there has recently been a ton to say about this guy. The Finnish announcer calling his goal is delightful. He was a healthy scratch coming into the bubble as he is a solid two way wing. Depending how the series goes, you'll probably hear the usual anecdotes on him: "undrafted, recommended by Jere Lehtinen (who is now the Finnish team's GM) to the Stars organization as a solid two way forward with a good hockey IQ. But let me give you my anecdote. I went to the Stars' development camp before this season started. It was right after the draft and I got to watch everybody in the development pipeline practice, scrimmage, and just get to know each other. I remember Kivi out there. He wasn't the smallest guy (even though he's only 5'10, 180). He wasn't the fastest or had the best shot (Jason Robertson has the best shot in the pipeline BY FAR). But I wanted to pay attention to Kivi as he was the only Finn in the camp. The guy skated so much better laterally than anybody else. His stickhandling wasn't great but his passes were the speed of some other guys' slapshot. The sound when his pass connects was on another level. I like this kid. It's hard not to when his statement following a hatty in his first postseason game is: "I hope they play me again". Kivi came in with an unusual injury to Andrew Cogliano and has stayed in the lineup with the injury from Radek Faksa. Jason Robertson - as mentioned earlier, JRob had the best shot in the Stars' development camp. I watched him shoot the shit with other guys at the top of the circle between drills. He casually rang post after post after post wrist shots from the top of the circle like a fucking sniper. He was so casual and so clean with his follow-through. The speed of each shot was phenomenal. The only reason I mention him is because I want to believe that he will probably be the next-one-up in the event Roope is out. Justin Dowling - One year left on his contract until he is an UFA. He may be re-signed depending on the outlook. He is fairly ready for a permanent spot on the lineup but hasn't gotten much. He played in 29 games this season with the boys and registered 3 goals and 3 assists. He may get the callup if somebody is injured, depending on the need. He usually fits a one way winger role and not so much of a stick handling playmaker. The NHL is really pushing the "Baby in the bubble" story as a human interest piece. His family lives quite close to Edmonton his wife and newborn baby were the first to pass through quarantine to be reunited. Thankfully the baby looks nothing like Justin. Defense Transparency: I always played defense growing up and still do on rec teams. I love playing D and really love the Dallas blue liners. I think it is what drew me to be a Stars fan (was a Blackhawks/Habs fan as a kid). 1st Pair - Esa Lindell - Jon Klingberg Lindell: The quietest unsung hero of the D-Core. He will most likely log the most minutes each game and will anchor a PK. Deceptively strong with a 6'3" Finnish frame (skinny) and has legs like a fucking Clydesdale horse. He is my favorite player as he seems to make very smart defensive moves, doesn't appear to chirp that much and has recently shown to make some smart offensive zone entries. My favorite part of Lindell? His contract. Very team friendly and will stay with Dallas (hopefully) through 2025. Klingberg: When Klinger signed his contract in 2015 it was called "risky" as he wasn't nearly developed as he is today. He was always an offensively minded defenseman. And even now, his mind is faster than his ability. We will see him fumble and miss opportunities but he is 28 years old and will keep growing each year. He is slick and can dangle with the best of them. Watch out for him on PP1 at the blue line making a lane to fire off a wrist shot. It's essentially a floating pass to be tipped. 2nd Pair - Miro - Jamie Oleksiak Miro: The "generational talent". Even if Dallas had the number 1 pick in 2018, they would have gone with Miro. He is such a smart defenseman with a great offensive ability. Deceptively strong Finnish frame who positions himself very well. He will be Dallas' franchise guy for the foreseeable future. Oleksiak: Big Rig. He went back and forth with Dallas & Pittsburg (who seemed to fix him up well, thanks Pens!). He really came into his own this season. He was on the bubble all of last year and getting an occasional chance due to injury or ability. He is our biggest guy (6'7") and he has really matured this year in his role pairing with Miro. 3rd Pair - Andrej Skera - Roman Polak - Stephen Johns - Taylor Fedun - Joel Hanley So this "pairing" is going to be the odds & ends as our 3rd was never really hammered out and I'm not too sure where to start. Polak: He opted out of the bubble on his last year with the Stars. He won't be coming back. I liked Polak last year and when he played this year but apparently he was quite disgruntled how the season played out. He sustained a broken sternum on the first game of the season against the Bruins. After his return, he never got to his full potential. Bowness decided to alternate Polak & Skera with who was playing each night. Skera: Another "rebound year" coming off a horrendous ACL injury for a basement ($1.5M) contract. The 34 year old veteran was frequently the butt of jokes on the Dallas GDT's. And I am just as guilty as anybody. But since the Flames series, he has been doing so much better. There are still the chances to fumble in the defensive zone and to have a target-less pass in front of our own goalies. But here is the reality: Sekera has never had a firm defensive partner. He is currently playing with his third partner since the re-start! Finaly with Fedun he seems to be getting some kind of trust and chemistry going. Knowing how to read each other's minds is so important on defense and Sekera really hasn't gotten much of a chance to do that, whether it was filling in for Polak, sitting out or having an AHL'r come up for a night or anythign else that would come up. But in the past few series (Avs & Vegas) he has been much better. But if your offense is going to pressure anybody into a mistake, it'll be Sekera. Joel Hanley - currently in the lineup with a non-roster minor league contract. Scored his first goal ever against y'all in game 1. He has more maturity than the other D's who came with the team to the bubble and is the latest one up. Taylor Fedun - Can be opted as a forward in a pinch but has been Unfit to play for a while. Stephen Johns - Oh where to begin. He was our Masterton trophy nominee. He came to Dallas in the trade that also brought Patrick Sharp from Chicago. According to Stars Legend, the trade was always about Johns. He was assigned to the AHL affiliate for development. Big and physical defensemen with an incredible slapshot. His last game before this year was in the 2017/18 season. He suffered from Post-traumatic headaches and depression. He has since spoken openly regarding his mental health and recovery. Unfortuantely he has remained unfit to play since August 11th when he played for 10 minutes against the Flames. I really hope Johns is okay. He seems like such a good guy and his dog is really adorable (he occasionally posts on instagram). Other in the bubble: Thomas Harley - or is it Harley Thomas? LOL. He was our first round draft choice this past year and was in the OHL all season. If anybody else goes down, he'll be the next one in. He's a playmaking blue liner. Goaltending 1A: Ben Bishop - Used to play for you. NBC only seems to know how tall he is but because he has been unfit to play for the majority of the playoffs, I seem to have forgotten...was it 6'7'' or 7'6''? Not sure what is going on, but I have a feeling that he has had a back injury all year stemming from some stuff in the playoffs last year. I remember seeing him take an awkward fall while covering up and was really slow to get back up. But anyway, he has been unfit to play for a while. He came to the coaching staff and was like "im good coach, put me in" and then he let 4 goals go by him in the first period of the Avs game. No good. 1B: Anton Khudobin - Dobby. The Kazak Scorpion. The track suit wearing, crawfish eating, journeyman backup turned 1B goaltender. He is a delight of a human being. His instagram is great. This past season he posted a 16-8 record with a 2.22 GAA & .930 SV%. This year, Dobby is a free elf and gets to choose where he goes. I hope he chooses to stay at Hogwarts to work in the kitchens as a free elf. But either way, I will ALWAYS cheer for Dobby (fuck, I hope fate doesn't make me do this), even if he ends up on the Blues. Backup - Jake Oettinger. He will be our guy in the future. He's 21, and has won a bunch of medals with USA in the world Juniors. He got his first NHL saves on September 8th against Vegas in relief. Intangibles: Goal song: Puck Off by Panera Goal horn: Cool as fuck Macot: Victor E Green - weird alien dude with a big belly. My seven year old daughter hates him. Bolts & Stars connections: Not only Bowness, Bishop but also Dallas goaltending coach, Jeff Reese played in 19 games for y'all in 1995 posting a 7-7-1 record. After his retirement as a player, he joined the Tampa organization as a goalie coach during your Cup year in 2004! TL;DR: We have two very different teams during a very different year. I am happy that we have this distraction. Finally, this post is intended to be about sportsmanship and shit like that. It's a game. We're fans. We cheer. We boo. We sulk. We chirp. And we both have fans that take it all a little too far. But at the end of the day, I hope we can have a good series and nobody hates each other afterwards. And most importantly nobody gets hurt. We've got a salt-free handshake thread over on our sub for post-series best wishes and congratulations and shit like that. Feel free to drop on by if you're in the mood. Good luck Bolts Bros Edit: holy smokes, thank you for the awards bros!!
2020.09.22 21:02 billyquizboiStrokes that aren't strokes?
Hello everyone, [21 non-binary], 4'11" ~130 lbs, don't drink, don't smoke, normal vitals This is a long post, and, to be entirely honest, my first reddit post period. But my partner is suffering from strange symptoms and the medical system isn't taking them seriously. If you have any thoughts on what's going on please help. This started 3 weeks ago. My partner complained of a sudden headache and said it felt the world was slowing down. After 10 minutes of this they began having full body convulsions similar to a seizure. This lasted 40 minutes. They were taken to the local ER where they were given valium and sent home. The following morning they had another 40 minute episode and went to the ER at the larger local hospital After this initial episode the duration and intensity of convulsions started becoming less often, but they became more frequent. The ER admitted them to the psych ward and kept them overnight. The hospital did this without doing any neurological tests. My partner was released in the morning with a prescription for Hydrozine PAM. We went immediately after this to target to fill the prescription. While there they collapsed and had another episode, but with less intense tremors. I got them home we had some lunch. While eating they slumped over and lost control of their entire body. I was able to communicate with them via blinking while they were unable to move. After this we went to the local clinic (student health, they are a college student). During the trip there (about 10 minutes) they went from able to walk to unable to walk to unable to speak and having severe full body tremurs. Student health did some basic neurological tests and found that the left side of the body was weaker than the right but neither side was reacting normally. They sent us back to the local hospital where, despite still thinking it was psychological, they did an EEG, CT, and MRI scan over the period of several days The CT scan and MRI showed a 6 mm abnormality on the left frontal lobe. The radiologist thought it may be a vascular malformation. However, we were told by the hospital nurses that the CT scan was normal and the MRI wasn't done yet so there was no reason to keep them and they sent them home. It took 10 days for us to de told about the test findings. By the time my partner had left the ER they had stopped having regular full body tremurs. Instead parts of their body would tremur irregularly ever 10 to 30 minutes with differing levels of intensity and duration (between a few second and several minutes). During those 10 days after the ER and before knowing about the finding in the brain we worked on physical therapy and was able to slowly regain some strength in the arms and legs. Enough to operate a wheel chair, but not enough to walk or stand without a walker and walking is very difficult. Also episodes became less intense and less frequent. After learning about the finding in the brain, a blood tests and a CT angiogram were called for. The blood tests were to investigate high TSH thyroid levels and high copper levels. The test took a week and found the thyroid under active and that the body had notably high copper and ceruloplasmin levels. The day before we were to schedule the CT angiogram they had a sudden episode and showed noticeable signs of a stroke. The ER did a CT angiogram and they found nothing abnormal about the brain at all. They sent them home saying it was psychological. This was 2 days ago Currently we are waiting on a follow up at student health, and we have a neurologist appointment for mid November (this is the soonest appointment they had). I have DICOM images from the CT angiogram and the report from the MRI but am still working on documents from the first CT scan. My partner still can't walk, has occasional tremers mostly in the arms and sholders, the left side of their body is still weaker than the right, periodic headaches, and is exhausted all day. Please help.
2020.09.22 19:55 AggravatedAvacadoCh-ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the strange!
Not really looking for advice, just... venting. My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years, and long-distance on and off for all of those six years. We have a house together in Thailand (he inherited it), and I lived there with him for a year. We were planning on getting married, getting a dog, renovating the house... In June 2019, I had to leave the country because I was made redundant from my job. We've been apart ever since because of the pandemic. I used the opportunity to start my own business doing what I love; I'm now a relatively successful freelancer, working from my parents' home. And I've been doing some thinking. A couple nights ago, I told my partner I wanted to call off the wedding—even though we've already told people (that's a whole other drama, omg). The reason is we were planning on getting married for the VISA. Yes, we've been together for six years, lived together, love each other, etc. But I just hated the idea of everything being so rushed. The magic and love in the action just wasn't there. So I told him I didn't want to get married. Not until we could do it properly. He agreed, because I think he knew how unhappy I was with the arrangement from the beginning; I was just too scared to accept that I was. So that was big change number one. Big change number two is that I have a medical issue that needs a-fixin', which means when I move back to Thailand, I'll need to pay for medical insurance which was previously covered by my employer. Thing is, I've realised that paying for that insurance will seriously eat into what I'm saving to buy my first home. I'm struggling to justify it, because in the UK I could get the treatment for free or cheap. I've realised that I'll be able to buy my first house in around two years (provided nothing terrible happens with my business), and you have no idea how excited that makes me! However, that timeline can only happen if I live in Thailand without insurance on and off on a long-stay tourist VISA, or I stay in the UK. That's a decision I'll only be able to make once the borders reopen, and I have no idea when that'll be. Now, here's the thing... once I've got my house in the UK, where does that leave my relationship? I still want to be with him, but neither of us is ready to relocate, we've admitted. (The fact that he expects me to, when he can't do it himself as a little '🙄' if you ask me.) We spoke about this last night and—after some very serious words, talk of break up, talk of an ambiguous future, and a couple tears—we basically sealed the deal that our LDR is about to get a whole lot longer. At some point, I'm going to have to visit Thailand to grab the stuff that I left in our house. It's going to feel like we're breaking up, and his family are going to be mighty confused! I know that I'll visit every year for a couple months or whatever I can get. He'll visit when he can, too, though it'll be less often. At some point, maybe we'll get married and then go back to long-distance. There's no reason why the long-distance has to end with marriage, right? It can happen in the middle. I think the fact that we've associated marriage with the end has added a lot of pressure that needn't be there. I haven't told my parents yet 😅 Dunno what I'm so worried about; I think they'd be happy or proud more than anything, if I pair the confession with "I'm preparing to buy a house." I'm not sure the purpose of this rant. Er... I don't need advice, but validation? Reassurance that I'm not terrible for changing my mind? Anyway, thanks for listening if you've made it this far. ❤️
2020.09.22 18:01 justin_j_mAdvice on how to have enough structure without too much structure in our startup
Thanks in advance for you help here. I have two partners where I am the original founder. I am trying to make sure we hit the right balance of having enough structure so that we are making good progress and holding ourselves accountable on the one hand while spending as much time executing and getting things done on the other. We are about 6 months into our venture with one major pivot and are just about complete with our MLP with a few key customers ready to launch. Progress has been slower than we would like (I know, very common) and I feel we have erred on the side of too little structure and would likely move faster with a little more. So, my question is what people have found to be most helpful meetings/mechanisms/processes that add structure, but don't take away time from execution? For example, how often should we be doing 1:1's, partner meetings, tech standups, goal settings, strategy offsite, etc.? I realize it is different for every business, but would love to hear examples of what has worked well or extremes either way that did not work well. Thanks!
2020.09.22 17:53 Nara_HaleI am not afraid to keep on living
I'm trying to come up with a way to say this without it sounding like useless platitudes and empty words. But to start with - I have two hats. I am a mental health professional (MSW, looking to get licensed in my current state but there's a lot of red tape) and I am a person who lives with several mental health conditions of my own (bipolar II, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and I'm in recovery from bulimia). I spent the first 26 and a half years of my life being suicidal every day. I spent the first 17 years thinking it was normal. I've only been NOT suicidal for about seven months now. Which is almost weird to say, as six of those months I've been stuck in my house due to the pandemic, but even though the pandemic is making me more depressed again, I'm not suicidal. I was hospitalized five times for suicidality. Four times I was sent inpatient, and one time I just spent the night in the ER before I was determined safe to go home. I have lost friends and a partner because they couldn't handle me at my worst. (And I understand, now, all that put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others thing, but it still hurt like a bitch when it happened.) I have spent hours and hours curled up in the bathtub, sobbing, googling ways to take my life. I have gone up and down and, even during otherwise "neutral" or "good" times, I have been struck with suicidality and insane depressive thoughts as if I was hit by a train. My mania and ADHD have made it almost impossible for me to learn how to balance a budget and keep my money safe, and even though I am stable now, it makes me feel like less of an adult. When Robin Williams died, I spent days crying, days thinking, "I can't do this for that long. I can't live like this for that long." I sometimes feel very lost because I never thought I'd live past 25, and I never planned for anything after college. And I am lost. I am almost 28, living with my parents because I am unable to support myself emotionally at this point in time. But I'm getting better. I'm so much better than I was when I moved in with my parents a year and a half ago. And I'm still here. I have a regimen of medication and therapy, which I never knew how well it could work until it actually worked. I knew when the medication started working...but I hadn't known how good therapy could be until I actually had a good therapist. Several therapists in, I thought I had had decent therapists before, but now I have one that actually works for me and it's incredible. The point of this is to say, if you're looking for therapy, don't settle, and don't stop searching for the right one. I'm not going to say "it gets better" - because I know it doesn't for everyone. And it doesn't just "get better" - it takes a lot of really fucking hard work to get there. And not everyone is ready to do the work. It's scary to try and change who you are. Because essentially, that's what you're doing...you're changing who you are. You've lived in depression and pain and anxiety for so long that you don't know who you are without it. It was certainly like that for me. I didn't know who I was without my pain, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts, and other hurts...and in some ways, I still don't. I'm only seven months out from not wanting to die every day. There are still some days that I have to chase away my suicidal thoughts, and I don't know how to be sad without thinking "I should die" even if I don't really mean it anymore. There are days I'm still super depressed. There are days that I'm manic. I still live with my parents. I only have a part time job and I'm not making a lot of money so I don't have prospects of supporting myself right now. One of my medications caused me to gain 130 lbs and I've only lost 20 since then...so I hate how I look and I'm physically unhealthy. (But as a cousin of mine who also has severe depression once told me, "I'd rather be fat and happy and then work on my weight then skinny and depressed and planning on jumping off a bridge.") But I am still going. And I know you can too. Here come the things that sound like platitudes: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you work at it, things will get better, even if it's hard...and it's so fucking hard. I know. Relapse is part of recovery - it is 100% part of recovery, and you are in recovery. If you stumble back a few steps or even fall back into a hole, that doesn't mean you're not still moving forward. Baby steps are important. If you can't shower, try brushing your teeth. If you can't cook, order takeout. If you can't order takeout, eat a slice of cheese or a cookie. (Any food is better than no food...I learned that with my eating disorder.) If you can't even get out of bed, try sitting up, not lying down. Baby steps. It's all progress. I believe in you. Even though you don't know me, I believe in you. And if you can't believe in yourself just now, that's okay too. You don't have to. Because I believe in you, and all you have to do is believe in me. What I'm saying here is "Believe in the me that believes in you." It doesn't just "get better." You have to work for it. But you can do it. I could. And if I could, you can too.
2020.09.22 12:28 sumomomo95Possible PID/liver problems from IUD
Hi all I switched from Skyla to a copper IUD around a month and a half ago. I’m writing this just to share information. I have had unidentifiable severe upper right quadrant (right upper abdomen) pain for the past month or so. It began less than a week after my IUD insertion. No pain in the pelvic area. It got to the point of being so incredibly painful that I spent the night in the ER. Blood/urine tests, endoscopy, ultrasounds, CT scans... everything has come back as normal. I have seen around 6 different doctors. I asked all of them if it could be related to my IUD as the pain began shortly after and they all said no, that it would be extremely rare. Well. The pain has derailed my life. I can’t live or do anything that I normally could. I can’t even walk usually. I went to a larger hospital where they examined my CT scan again. The doctor stated that there is inflammation in my pelvis that appears to have spread and caused hepatic capsulitis, which from what I can tell is inflammation of the sac around the liver? I will go to the hospital OBGYN tomorrow for further examination. I had an STD test before insertion and no new partners since the test results came back as fine. So, it appears as though it is most likely related to my IUD. I am going to update more after my exam tomorrow. FYI: I made another detailed post about my experience switching from Skyla after 6 years to the copper Silverline IUD here https://www.reddit.com/birthcontrol/comments/iarzyj/my_skyla_to_copper_iud_experience/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf TLDR: mysterious severe upper abdomen pain possibly caused by PID from IUD and spread to liver
2020.09.22 11:10 SmashleyMCubedLost my mom. While she was emotionally abusive to me, my world is shattered.
On the 19th I lost my mom suddenly. It's been the most fucked up three days I've ever experienced in my life. I apologize for the wall of text ahead, bear with me if you can. So... Backstory? I had a strained relationship with my mom. My parents live out of town and unfortunately I don't have a car to get out to see them. I moved in with my partner roughly 7 years ago, and since then it's been hard to shake off and work through the abuse that happened. I still love both of them. My dad stayed with her till the end despite the way she treated him too. She was an alcoholic, had untreated mental illnesses of multiple levels, and this was due to being a victim of multiple horrendous and horrifying acts/crimes as young as 2 all till she was in her mid 20's (It was the classic cycle of abuse situation, and she had the shittiest hand dealt to her but tried her damnedest.) Obviously I had good times with her, and she wasn't evil or always like that. She was still my mom who tried her hardest in every way to give me something more than what she had when she had nothing to go off of. It was still hard though. My dad was the "show no emotion/weakness" type guy and he's never really been good with the emotional sides my mom and I showed when things got "ugly". He was still hardworking, and did everything he could for us. Good guy. Still is. I'm grateful to have him still. So, in the past few years, I would go a few weeks to a month sometimes without talking to her. This last year, most of the time, in the past year, it was me pleading with her to go to a doctor and her refusing. Well, on the 18th this month I got a call around... 11am after not hearing from my parents for a few weeks, with my dad saying my mom was "really sick", and thinking of taking her in to the ER. I told him to keep me posted. Twelve hours later at 11pm, my dad calls me crying (last time I saw/heard that was 17 years ago when his mom passed.) I heard in the background the ambulance was there, and the EMT's were saying they "would try and get her there, but they weren't hopeful she'd make it since we lost her pulse once already" and my dad explained as well as he could vocalize that she may be gone soon. He said he was riding with her and would get back to me soon. When he went to go hang up... I heard the flatline just before the click. Fast forward two hours of bawling, shaking and nervous pacing, my dad phones back. The doctor is there with him, and he runs through the whole situation with me. After a 8 or so minute explanation, to put it lightly, it was clear she had given up in the end and just... Withered away and let the sickness she had take her vitality. The list of failures/problems she had till echoes in my head. In the end, after two hours of fighting, they had her on ever single machine that could keep her alive. They said it was slim. If she even had come back, she would have had no cognitive or physical ability and need help for the remaining years she would have. She.. Had strict wishes to not ever want to be kept alive on machines, or put in any kinda home for a plethora or reasons. My dad and I knew this and as hard as it was, respected it. She was gone by 2 am. The only saving grace in trying to hold on to is the doctor said he's very certain my mom's last memory would have been my dad giving her some water as she slipped into a sleep on the couch at home before the paramedics arrived. Since then, it's been hell. I haven't seen my dad yet, between trying to finding a ride, and him somehow still working 9 hours every day this week it's hard to get a chance to see him. We've only talked through text and his answers are short. I have no clue how the arrangements are going, what kind of service could even be held in this current pandemic, or if my dad has even eaten or slept yet. I don't even know the official cause of death yet. I've had an outreach of support praising my mother's legacy and life, yet it all feels so weird since they didn't know what I dealt with. I still appreciate it of course but the resentment in me is like a tidal wave and its hard to push that aside to feel the truth in the statements. I'm so lost, and I don't know how the fuck to find any semblance of normal anymore. I feel guilt, anger, sadness, thoughtful, I've been shaking to my core for days. I have so many questions racing through my mind. Why did she give up? Could I have done more? Is my dad angry I wasn't there more? Is he okay? Will I be okay? Did she know I loved her despite the abuse? How do I help support my dad? Does she realize the hole she left in my life now? Will I ever get the sound of the flatline out of my head? This is fucked. I don't know how to move forward. I don't even know how to look back without feeling different. Everything is upside-down. If you're reading this sentence thanks for holding out. I apologize for any spelling /grammar... I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this. But I had to get it out.
2020.09.22 10:38 CapitalReaction8237Newly pregnant and my family claims I’m depriving my future child of their grandparents since I’m NC with them
I shared my pregnancy news with my paternal family yesterday and it was incredibly well received. While I don’t have a relationship with my dad, I am close to his family and his sisters have somewhat raised me as their own. I’m 24 and my dad has been a pretty absent parent. Honestly couldn’t tell you all the last time I spoke to him. I just remember about 2 fathers days ago (so 2 years) I posted saying happy Father’s Day to my step dad and how it was always hard for me to be without a consistent dad and my biological dad commented on it calling me an ungrateful liar. I essentially cussed him out to be honest and we’ve been very NC ever since. We initially went no contact because he refused to go to my college graduation without his wife who has been an awful stepmother to say the least. He also doesn’t live in my city and would show up in my city at random mostly to visit his sisters and then get mad when I wouldn’t jump to go visit him. I’m sorry but visiting my dad is more like him playing games with his family and me hanging out with my cousins. Now that I’m in my mid-20s I don’t have patience for it. My biological dad has always seen himself as some victim of my mothers who just didn’t have enough money to make us happy. My mother is incredibly well off and I have gone NC with her too because in all fairness to my dad she is an incredibly abusive person. Anyhow, when I announced to my close aunts they asked me if I would be telling my dad and I said no why would I do that seeing as how he hasn’t spoken to me in years. I’m not going to call him just to tell him I’m having a child. If he didn’t want to be in my life then he also doesn’t get to be in my children’s life. My aunt insisted that that decision was unfair to my child because my child may want to know about this grandfather. I responded and said that my child wouldn’t be absent a grandfather as my partners parents are great in laws and very present for their other grandchildren and children. They said it wasn’t fair to my child and I said listen again if he didn’t want to be in my life he doesn’t get to be in my life now because he wants access to my kids and he’s not having access to my kids without having a relationship with me and they insisted well why not and I’m like because I don’t want to have to manage that. They insisted this might help my relationship with my father heal after 20 something years and I was actually almost insulted. You never cared about me but now that you want to have grandkids you’re inclined to mend the relationship? Shouldn’t I be enough to just want to mend things? I’m his oldest daughter after all. I honestly think I would be protecting my future child from keeping them from grandparents that harmed me tremendously. As an adult I actually struggle from CPTSD thanks to my fathers negligence and my mothers abuse. I really just want to enjoy my pregnancy and raising my kids with all the knowledge I have now. But, I do want to ask for other opinions in case I’m being rash. My partner agrees with me about not allowing people access to our children if they didn’t even care about being in my life. My dad has caused tremendous harm by being absent and blaming it on the fact that he couldn’t live up to expectations. He’s also said that he chose to leave me with my abusive mother rather than dealing with her abuse. So he chose to leave me as a child in those conditions. And, whenever I tried to reconcile he always suggested that he never had his parents around and that that never hurt him. Well I’m sorry but it did traumatize me and I think having the evil stepmother also didn’t help. As a child and even young(er) adult I needed so much more from my parents and I battled everything alone. I was even suicidal for so long and battled that alone and I don’t understand why family gets to claim place in my life for my offspring after not caring so long. I’m pretty adamant that it’s not right to include either of my parents while I feel more convinced about not allowing my mother since she’s abusive and my dad is more just absent/negligent. I also plan to talk this through with my therapist on Wednesday because it did cause me a lot of pain to even have to explain this all to my aunts or answer these questions and air out just how absent and careless my dad has been. My dad also has 3 kids with evil stepmother that he adores and is very present for. He has another child outside of that marriage that he equally neglects. He’s always been a “ill be there for my children as long as I’m with you” type of guy. Edit: My grandfathers both passed around my infancy so I don’t remember them. My dads mom is a devout catholic woman who judges me more than she loves me. My aunt told me she’s going to lecture me for days about how I’m pregnant and not married. My moms mom is really judgmental and I haven’t really seen her since I went to visit her in her home country and I was 110 pounds at the time and very depressed so constantly crying and she stared at me the entire visit and finally toward the end said “you’re so fat now when you’re done paying off your new car come back to get a liposuction done.” She’s a devout Jehovah’s Witness. So I also don’t have the best grandparents myself. I don’t see what I would be depriving my kids of except a painful experience?
2020.09.22 09:24 malfunctioningwomanWhen it’s right time to go to ER for a Bartholin Gland Cysts?
Hi, 36, female, 62kg, 174cm. On Friday night, after having sex, I felt some pain left side of my vulva. When touched it, I felt a cyst as big as a walnut the left side of my vaginal opening. I haven’t witnessed anything like this before, when I Googled my symptoms, I found out about the Bartholin Gland Cysts. Since then, I have been talking epsom salt baths, applying tea tree oil, witch hazel and calamine lotion mixture into that area. I don’t know for sure, but I suspected it grew slightly bigger. The temperature-wise the skin feels normal, there is some redness inside my inner labia, but there are no heads. Also left side of my inner labia swelled up extremely. I have mild pain and discomfort when I am doing my daily activities, especially walking is painful. Since this is the first time I am experiencing this issue and everything happened within a night, I have problems with understanding the severity of the situation. Should I be going to ER immediately? Additional information: my partner and I are both monogamists and we have been together over a decade. In August 12th, I had a medical abortion on my 5th week and it was incomplete. The pregnancy was over, but I couldn’t pass any tissue, there was no bleeding at all. This Friday I have an aspiration appointment at the clinic. Thank you.
2020.09.22 07:47 cliffsofinsanityHope for relationships
Hey there HS-ers, I've been seeing quite a few posts on here lately about people feeling unloveable with HS and I wanted to offer a different perspective. I'm 27 and have lived with HS since I was 12. It's been largely a really uncomfortable and often shameful experience. I'm a female and have large tunneling cysts in my groin, thighs, and butt. I am lucky not to present elsewhere. When I was younger I was petrified that my future partner wouldn't believe me when I told them about my disease. Back then, I didn't even have a name for it, I just knew it wasn't an STI. Obviously I hadn't picked one of those up at 12 and it wasn't until I was an adult that I became sexually active. I had all sorts of fears about it until I found a diagnosis - cancer? Random tumor growth? Magically transmitted STD? Punishment from God for figuring out how to masturbate? Growing up without answers wasn't pretty. I was really nervous when I realized things were getting hot and heavy with my first real relationship. I knew I had to tell him, but I was worried about how he'd react. I decided to just stop things, take a beat, and calmly tell him what he might see, what it was, and how it affected me. I decided that if this person couldn't handle that information, or was completely grossed out by my body, that he wasn't someone I wanted to stay in a relationship with anyway. I explained that I got cysts, that they were sometimes (read: most times) painful, and that they were not an STI. I said he'd see scars, and that if there were painful lesions in an inconvenient spot, that we might not be able to do all the things we wanted to do when we wanted to do them. I talked about what I was doing to manage them and explained that it was a disease that ran in my family. I told him there was nothing I could do to prevent them, and then I let him look at me and showed him what to watch out for. I was soooooo nervous while talking with him and especially when I let him see my affected areas. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. But he just took a look, shrugged, said he was sorry that it was something I had to deal with, and proceeded to carry on as if nothing was amiss. He never really mentioned it again and was careful to avoid problem areas or let me say no if there was too much discomfort. We had a nice long relationship that eventually ended. My next serious relationship had the same conversation. That guy was very sympathetic and sad that I had to deal with so much pain. He asked how he could help me and offered lots of love when I needed it and space when I needed that too. He advocated for me and encouraged me to seek out new treatments even when I was discouraged and tired of looking. He never pressured me and always made me feel beautiful and desirable. He was a really great guy. Lucky for me, he thought I was great too and we just celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary! I'm being pretty open about this on my main account because I don't think it's something that should be hidden. I have a disease. It's not one I tell my employer about, but people not speaking up about these issues publicly is one of the reasons why it's so under-studied. It's incredibly hard to open yourself up to judgment from a partner in an intimate setting, but please believe there are people out there who will love you. You are not disgusting! You ARE worthy of being loved! You ARE sexy! You are capable of great things and a fulfilling life. If anyone tells you otherwise, they don't have enough sympathy or empathy to be in a relationship and you shouldn't sell yourself so short. Be open, be honest. Set boundaries and give them concrete things they can do to help you - even if that's just giving you space. You can still find love, don't give up on yourself. I'm not giving up on you!
2020.09.22 03:37 calmalmaI Need to Vent and I need Advice
I am a 25-year-old Hispanic female 135 pounds 5'5. I have always had stomach issues, which I attributed to an eating disorder from the age of 13 to 18. I would have diarrhea frequently and loose stools in general. This all came about when I ate poorly or consumed too much food. I have thin stools and I thought they were normal. I dismissed everything as IBS. Fast-forward to this year, sex became painful because I felt I had pressure in my rectum which I thought was trapped gas. It happened every time and I thought it was because of my partner. The last time, it was incredibly painful and it hurt even more when I became dry due to the pain. I became constipated in July, which is abnormal for me. It was a lot of trapped gas and pain in my abdomen. I would wake up with bubbles in my stomach. You could hear my stomach. I attributed this to PMS. My period only came a month after though. I alternated to diarrhea soon after. It was watery and then it was just loose with a lot of mucus. At some point, I just expelled mucus. I was prescribed omeprazole, which sort of helped but I began seeing undigested meat, grains, and greens. I began developing pain in my left upper back, near the spine, and under the shoulder blade. At this point, my body began twitching everywhere including my head. Then it just began twitching in my calves and wherever I felt pain and in my stomach. I had right back pain but I dismissed it as improperly lifting heavy items at work. I would sleep and wake up with my left thigh numb, and now I just wake up every hour with my right hand going numb. I haven't had decent sleep in two months with waking up every hour. I was okay for a bit and then I began having pain below my left rib (both front and back) and my right rib (both front and back and reaching my shoulder). I have persistent pain in different areas of my abdomen as well as my right ovary now. My stool now only floats indicating a fat malabsorption issue. My feet and legs began getting sock and imprints of my bedding or blankets. They do not appear swollen, but this is odd seeing that it never happened before. I was calling Kaiser every day or send a message to my PCP. Every conversation turned into me having anxiety and depression. Every nurse would forward me to psych. I went to the ER two times and each time, they would tell me I was healthy and that, again, it was anxiety and depression. They only ran blood tests, pelvic exams, an ultrasound for my ovaries, and a brain MRI. I requested x-rays at least but they claimed it was too much radiation for me. My vision became blurry and my memory is worsening. I lost fifteen pounds in one month and now I find it difficult to gain or maintain weight. The only thing I found in my blood work indicative of something odd going on in my body is a 54% transferrin percent saturation, a 33.3 mean RBC iron, 10.1 calcium, and now I am bordering prediabetes. I've requested a GI, and I was told to wait a month to even get a referral put in. My pain everywhere is not debilitating, but it does hurt especially when I work. I am now depressed because of how helpless I feel with the medical system. Since I haven't been able to gain weight, I eat a lot of junk food and fast food because regular food is unappetizing. I know this doesn't help my floating stools, but I just feel so helpless and I am worried about losing more weight. Strangely, I no longer have trapped gas and diarrhea. I just have floating "regular" stool and thin stool that sink. Some food is still undigested, though. I just want to ask if anyone had similar symptoms or have experienced the same dealing with getting help? I feel helpless and I don't know how to approach this. I am worried about dying soon. I can't even enjoy my life. I am sorry if this is the wrong sub to post this in, but I feel dismissed and sad.